Today

Today I started up the set of thirteen stairs it takes to get to my room,

But I was too weak so I stopped at the sixth step,

Sat down,

And caught my breath how many days, had it been?

 

Today

Today I tried to open the door at the end of the breezeway

But my arms,

Weren't strong enough and I had to put my entire body

Against the door how many days, had it been?

 

Today

Today I saw my mom for the first time

In three weeks and she hugged me

Her arms

Doubled around my entire torso

And she asked if I had lost weight how many days, had it been?

 

Today

Today I sat at the lunch table

Staring at my hands

They asked,

When was the last time you ate

And I was too scared to tell them I didn't know how many days, it had been.

 

Today

Today I skipped school because I couldn't get out of bed my bones,

Frail and thin how could things get this bad

I raised up my shirt,

Fat, I thought, how many more days, until I am thin?

 

Today

Today I willed myself to get up a strong feeling that I could look in the

Mirror, seeing what I wanted

But I still saw swollen masses of skin, hearing all of the

Awful names they would call me

So I put on sweats and a hoodie hoping, in a few more days, I will be thin.

 

Today

Today I woke up in a hospital bed white

All around

Questions asked, feeding tubes

Oh no,

How many days, had it been?

 

Today

Today they brought you to me as if

They knew I needed you all along

You said,

"Hi, beautiful"

And today, was the best I've ever been.

 

Today

Today I ate my food and didn't stop in front of the mirror.

I'm trying, because in my head I

Always knew,

Being loved doesn't equal being thin.