tell
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I've thrown away everything.
I think about my decisions, the tears they sting.
Wondering what tomorrow will bring;
Just another sad song for me to sing.
Just another attempt to conquer this thing.
Can you tell how alone I feel?
Can you tell I'm fighting emotions with which I cannot deal?
Can you see the pain in my eyes?
Can you see me waiting for life to pass me by?
Can you see the hurt, the trauma?
I love you
At night I dream of you
I will not hide it from you
My future is blank without you
I am hurting
So scared to tell the truth
In front of everyone I pretend
I am scared
My body is subject to pointing
out the obvious-
I have curves in odd places,
and yes I wear a size 32 jean-
but that doesn't mean I'm average.
As women we're taught our first words "diet" and "beauty"-
Silence flows through the air oh so coldsitting there waiting a young man so old, asking for love
You want to feed my mind but i leave class hungry.
You sit in class and teach but I cant pay attention.
I dont understand why i fail, which is so funny.
I try and use the bathroom but i need your permission.
The shit I wish I could tell my teacher would probably get me supended. But once the shit I wish I could have said probably would have saved my arm. Bullying was killing me inside. Going through all differnt changes with my body and feelings.
I guess Tomorrow was yours, too
Because you took it from My Hands,
How arrogant
so yesterday couldn’t fill you
and you could not be hungry, yes
In school I learned about english and bullying
Judgement, math, and the flaws of schooling.
But there are some things my teacher didn't tell me
Things that the new me is scared of knowing.
Tell me.
Is there a miracle cure for "this?"
Because I'm not immune to the sleepless nights-- applying for college
Because I'm not immune to the aching fingers of my hands-- typing in essays for scholarships
I write to feel.
And I write to dream.
I send my words,
to the knowledge stream.
Through my words I speak
And through my words I grow.
If I did not write,
you would not know.
