When you're a child

You put in some trust

To those who are over you

Because you depend on them to show you the way

Not to hurt or harm you

 

When there is no man

My mom is the best

And she's my best friend

Eveything was great until he showed up at our door

I knew it was the end

 

 He's a single dad

With a great job

And seemed so pleasant

I loved his daughter as if to be my sister

I thought, "This was meant"

 

Our parents dated

Our parents married

Everything seemed fine

I actually thought this might be different

Until he crossed the line

 

See, I always knew

That something would go wrong

But never like this

Usually my mom would love and support bums

A man's what gives her bliss

 

He moved in with us

Then he quit his job

He never did housework

My mom even caught him cheating several times

In her mind, she's berserk

 

He was home too much

Played with us so much

My mom didn't notice

That he was cheating on her with me also

He called me a bonus

 

It started off with

Kissing on the lips

Hugging me tightly

Eventually he put his mouth on my va jay jay

He wanted to kiss me

 

I became ashamed

I became frightened

Who would I go tell?

He told me that my mom wouldn't believe me

And that I'd go to hell

 

So I stayed quiet

My sister was happy

And my mom was safe

My step-dad seemed to be enjoying himself

But I wasn't safe

 

Nor was I happy

Or even okay

I thought I should tell

So I told my sister and she yelled,

"Lies will take you to hell!"

 

I was a liar

In her very eyes

So I took it all back

Until one night when she saw us alone together

Her mind wasn't intact

 

She screamed to mom

Mom was horrified

He was desperate,

"The devil is in this very room tonight!"

So who was the culprit?

 

The next day, nothing.

Last night didn't happen

Mom's eyes became blind

Every time he looked or touched me

How'd she block her mind?

 

When it came to boys

I was so confused

Should I let him feel

My hips, legs, butt, boobs, or it?

My heart was the last deal.

 

I regret a lot

Being scared of boys

I'd do anything

To keep them away from my body, but

I realized I'm nothing

 

I regret a lot

Being desperate

For the attention

Of any boy even if it's just for sex

There wasn't prevention

 

My sister did it all

To destroy my being

Posted pics and statements

My peers were having fun on my expense

Gossip was torment

 

She never apologized

We hated each other

She told everyone

Almost all that I and a boy ever did

Times she made up ones

 

I gave birth to life

I realized I must change

She needs much better

I didn't want anything to happen to her

I'll raise her better

 

A painful death came

Over my step-dad

I didn't make it

I couldn't go to that pervert's funeral!

All he represented!

 

Ten years after his death

I was still troubled

I knew I had to

Go see him at his grave and confront him

I was overdue

 

I stared at his grave

I felt all the pain

I lost my control

I yelled and cursed him beyond the grave

I was making me whole

 

But it didn't work

I realized he still won

And I hated that

"How can you still have power when you're dead?!"

I yelled just that

 

I hated my mom

And my own sister

For doing nothing

To believe, protect, and support me through it all

My scarred heart still stings

 

I let go of the hurt

I started my healing

And I forgave him

The past is that and doesn't define me

My future's less grim

 

I'm more than happy

So is my daughter

I teach her everything

I make sure to protect her from what I went through

She is my blessing