to a younger me
To a younger me:
You’re questioning a lot of things
and that’s fine.
Don’t be afraid, and don’t let
anyone else talk you out of it.
Lifting up the veil over religion
is going to be like
lifting the cover from a dead body:
putrid and suffocating, but
keep going.
Questioning the status quo is
going to be like
putting hot coals on your tongue,
everyone staring at you and
wondering what went wrong
in your life
that you think your birth certificate is wrong
and that the world isn't gray enough; but
keep going.
Everything that's ever been black
is really just a shade
of very dark blue,
or navy,
or gray;
what they call the moral high ground is
just simply another place
the waters of uncertainty and reality have yet to reach.
They say blood is thicker than water,
but you will tear up temples,
rip out your fingernails
in your search for the truth
and in someone's defense,
and your blood will tie you
to your chosen people.
You will find that the people you think
are your family
never cared,
and that your friends
who everyone says
will leave you someday,
never will.
It's going to be hard. Don't pretend it isn't.
So go head and wave at the vultures
as they fly overhead, but
don't offer them any food, because
there is nothing for them here.
Say thank you to the invisible, and
say you're welcome to the people you hate.
We're all skeletons piloting flesh bags
on this dirt rock we call a planet, breaking
the record number of days
we successfully haven't offed our entire species.
No one is too low, and no one is too high.
Money and gender are the greatest lies of all:
social constructs, right after
the pretty sugar trap that is religion.
Keep your ears and eyes and heart open.
They're all people, with
flaws and dreams and mistakes,
just like you,
no matter the numbers that trail after them
like smoke.
It's going to be hard. You're going to look at
high places, yourself in the mirror,
the sun setting, a mirror-surface lake,
and you're going to stare into
the abyss.
But remember
to drink eight cups of water a day
and take long walks,
and pat the monster on the head as you pass.
Dysphoria and depression are going to be two screaming voices
in the back of your head,
and I'm sorry.
But they want you dead,
so weaponize kindness and
mount defenses with softness.
Scars are proof that you've survived.
Keep going.
No one else
is going to do it for you.