laughing till it hurts, but also faking as i smile; killing hungry pain, but ive kept it up awhile.  broken bridges crossed, the memories a wall; pain getting so heavy, instead of walking I start to crawl.  waking in the dead of night, or never sleeping at all; its just another restless night, my eye lids never heavy enough to fall.  i'll wait for you to call me, to help my laugh become real; you seem to be the only one who helps me, you teach me how to deal.  time and time again, im asking you why; you know how i am, i truly want to die.  my hands have met razor blades, but again, so have yours; youve met my pain face-to-face, because that pain has many wars.  might it have lost to you, maybe but I dont know; i feel like if i stick by you, i might let it go.  free me from this devilish gaze, escort me back to reality; i might have lost the fight before, but with you I can keep my sanity.