‘maybe it was my fault

for falling in love with your words

instead of your eyes.

maybe that is why i am crying

at 4 am’

because i loved you

for more than just for the reasons

that your skin whispered to me.

my fingers ache

because they want to trace

the pattern of your veins.

over and over

until i fall asleep.

you know that

all i need is a whisper

from your lonely lips

and

i will come crawling

back to you

every goddamn time,

you know i will.

just one drop

of your poison

makes me sweat.

i would have followed your love

anywhere and

you knew that,

you abused that

 

my unconditional love for you

is still here,

god damn it,

set in stone,

not yet eroded

by biting wind

and burning rain.

i got lost in you

and I never came home.

i am still lost

and now

i am broken and

alone.

i am falling over thoughts

i need to forget.

how am I supposed to get back

to where i was before

i met you?

i am tired of crying

at 4 am

and taking too many pills

to get your voice

out of my head.

 

you are in my dreams

you are in everyone i meet

i look for you in crowds

i hear your past

in the walls

of my bedroom

late at night,

i see you in the mirror,

loving me back

i am going crazy

waiting for you,

loving you

this much,

it is killing me.

you cannot be my home

anymore

i am not safe here

since you sent me away

i am dying and

i love it because

it is all i have left of you

to hold on to

i still miss you

i cannot do this

without you.

 

just a few more pills

to calm me down.

then maybe,

i will try calling you again.

if i write you

another poem,

will you love me back

like i deserve?

because i deserve

to be happy—

you said i did.

 

i hate you

i swear to god i hate you

i love you

i love you

i love you

with everything i have

i cannot deal

with you anymore.