Drink lots of water and

less caffeine.

Sleep a shit ton and

Apply copious amounts of aloe Vera.

Coat the sharp wires with wax

Because your cheeks are still sensitive.

Go on blind dates

but beware of rebounds.

Cry whenever you feel like it;

Keep busy.

Eat ice-cream—

lots and lots of ice-cream.

Get drunk.

Consume apples for three days and then drink

half a cup of extra virgin olive oil with

a squeeze of lemon.

You may want to consider acupuncture.

Seek closure.

Hold frozen peas on the sore parts and

steep in a bath of herbs.

Acquire a hobby.

Practice energy healing with quartz crystals

to align your chakras.

Forgive yourself.

Vaseline helps.

Don’t throw it all away—

Find a safe place

to put it (like from that Gilmer Girls episode).

Clear your baggage.

Throw it all away.

Move on.