my thoughts todaywouldn't it be ironic if I killed myself just as the clock ticked past 12 introducing the new year2021what is supposed to be a fresh starta clean slatefeels like a bottomless pit of timejust wasting away tick tick tickthis year was the worst of my lifeI wanted to die more times than notwouldn't it be ironic if I were to just disappearnobody would noticeuntil the next morningknock knockhoney are you there?honey are you awake?except for this time, I couldn't replystaring at my ceiling with those same lifeless eyesmaybe I could see from the outside looking inthe way my moms face twists with the look of despairthe guiltbecause she knewall alongthat this was going to happenwe were all just waiting tick tick tickthe clock is going to strike 12 eventuallyand who knowsmaybe ill survive next yearbut for now, I'm focusing on the next minute, the next hour, the next daythat's all I can do right nowI want so bad for shit to change but it won'tI want so bad to give upbut I know I won'tI don't have the guts to do itbut insideI'm already deadso what's the pointI'm just another floating body taking up space with 7 billion other people on this earthwouldn't it be ironic