When I was little I was always told to use my words, but maybe there are better things

You see it's hard to associate a word with a concept that you can't quite grasp yet.

I didn't know how to associate the feeling of a ball hitting my ear as pain or throbbing

I didn't know how to associate the taste of expired milk as sour or rotten

I didn't know how to associate the smell of old age as decaying bodies or death

I didn't know how to associate the sound of crying as sadness or despair

I didn't know how to associate the sight of my own broken spirit as… well I still don't

The problem is when u can't find the right word or words to describe what you mean or want to say, people don't understand

So then some people try to talk for you and they're always wrong

Then there are those who simply don't try to understand and they just throw your thoughts away

That just leads to me holding them in… my thoughts they're… well confusing and they don't always like to be voiced

See some are like earphones that were in your pocket…

It takes a little bit but eventually they can be untangled

But some are more like jewelry chains… once knot, there is no untangling or defusing or anything really…

they're just there floating on the surface of your conscience…

But the worst part is that the ones that can be untangled are the ones that don't matter…

I can easily tell you about the time I had to get stitches, or the time my ear got burned by a flat iron or the time I smelled a nasty fruit in H.B.’s class or the times I fell in modern… class… outside…work... we'll pretty much everywhere. I've even fallen standing still a couple times, but you see how easy that is? I consider myself an open book because those things are easy to talk about. The highs, some lows, a “hot” topic, some sexual ones and it won't phase me… I won't even get uncomfortable

But you see the ones that float on the surface?

Those are the ones that hurt… not in a way that my five senses could detect, anyway…

No, these are the psychological wounds. The ones the resurface just when I thought it was over, or the ones that kick me while I'm down.

How do you use your words for those?

How do you express that some days you don't feel like getting out of bed and you don't know why?

How do you express that sometimes the thought of going to school or work makes you nauseous?

How do you express that there are some days where everybody just pisses you off for the pure fact that they exist?

How do you express that somedays you just want to put a gun to your head or a knife to your wrist to ease the pain, but you know you never will, because you just don't have the balls?

How do you express that even your best days aren't good enough?

When I was little I was always told to use my words, but maybe there are better things

You use words, because they are your truth, but

Why is the truth always determined by the weightlessness of words?

When I was little I was always told to use my words, but maybe there are better things...