Why I Can't Give Up
Location
I shout into the cold, crisp night.
My words echo in the emptiness that is my soul.
“Why me?”
Why do I have to be different?
Why must my brain be “Imbalanced”?
I have everything I need.
A big house,
Food,
Family,
Three dogs,
Good friends.
The list goes on forever.
However, there is another list.
My list.
A list that I have created in my dark corner.
A list that explains everything to me.
I should just give up.
Go out every night,
Smoke and drink,
Party till I throw up,
Cut myself when I am sad,
Kill myself when there is no other option.
My life is a mistake.
My birth was an accident.
Everything I do is wrong.
I am terrible.
I’m scared.
I want to kill myself.
But I am getting help.
It just isn’t working.
There’s so many ways.
Overdose,
Drowning,
Hanging,
Falling,
Car wrecks.
But I have a nephew.
He is my life now.
And I have friends.
They may not always be here,
But they are here now.
And I have family.
Family that cares,
Even if I don’t believe them.
I can’t give up,
But I want to everyday.
My life is a mistake,
And so am I.