Why The Grinch Hates The Who: by Paul Gray (10,161 words)


I'm inspired by a rhyme so I write with my pen

Telling stories with rhythmic rhymed verse now and then


Every line's written short wielding just the right bump

So the reader who reads it will feel every thump


While I cannot explain how my brain figures out

All the words which describe what the story's about


Still, I try as I will, and I will, so I do

To connect groups of words and write stories for you


With Christmas upon us right now I'm supposing

Its a subject involving the Grinch I'm composing


No copyright damage, it was Seuss who created

So I don't have a claim and no rights are debated


I love Dr. Seuss as a favorite rhymed writer

And to borrow his style is my rhythmic delighter


I could never compete with his stories and pen

But respectfully emulate Dr. Seuss now and then



Back before we all knew him, before we'd heard of the Grinch

Back before the old Grinch made us quiver or flinch


And before lots of ugly bent the Grinch's young heart

I imagine the Grinch played a whole nother part


No. the Grinch wasn't born with a bad disposition

With sadness or hatred his natural condition


And he wasn't forever against all the Who

The Who were his neighbors, like me and like you


Perhaps something happened to make the Grinch hiss

And perhaps what took place, happened something like this



On a brisk winter morning with a wind, cold and howling

The Grinch took a nap while his dog wasn't growling


His thoughts, non-pernicious, no mischief intended

As he patiently waited while sore knees were mended


On the day just before it while outside and rumbling

Four friends and a dog on a hill they went tumbling


And the Grinch hurt his knees, they were only grinch scratches

To be safe he had wrapped them with gnarly green patches


All those friends had gone home, back to Whoville to rest

And those friends numbered three but John Paul was his best


Then the Grinch, he loved Whoville and each Who who lived in it

Except for one in the east whose Who name was Who Bennett


Who Bennett was meaner than any Who knew it

And he tortured the Grinch, and for no reason he'd do it


He'd put snow in his shoes or put ants in his pants.

He'll put bugs in his bed if he's given the chance



But the Who never knew who purported those acts

And the Who news reporter just reported the facts



Still the Grinch didn't fret over him, the Who beast

'Cause he lived far away, over there in the east




Now the Grinch had a sweetheart and her name was Who Beth

And Who Beth didn't know it, but he loved her to death



Every night he would snuggle in his grinchy warm bed

Where the dreams of Who Beth came alive in his head



In those dreams they would dance and hold hands and they'd kiss

When he woke he was sad; dreams of Who Beth he'd miss



Of this love he told no one. Not the beast, nor a friend

He told no one at all, fearing friendships might end



Imagine your heart filled with peppermint candy

Topped with chocolaty sauce with a glass of milk brandy



Well, that's just how he felt with his love sick Grinch heart

They were never together; they were always apart.



Down in Whoville the Who's lived their lives every day

Every single Who happy in work, sleep and play



But Who Beth often looked up the mountain at night

Where she imagined the Grinch in his cave with delight


In her mind she would hold him and cuddle him sweet

From his grinchy big head to his green fuzzy feet


Could a Who and the Grinch fall in love, could it be?

Then dismissing those thoughts she said, "No, not with me."



She thought, "The Grinch is so green, handsome, hairy and tall

He could not fall in love; not with me; not at all"


"I'm a Who he's the Grinch; he's the Grinch I'm a Who.

In fact, who am I fooling? Not me and not you."


Then she snuggled her covers where she fell fast sleep

Of her thoughts she told no one; not a Who word nor peep



When she woke she'd recall those sweet dreams of the Grinch

And inflict on herself an awakening pinch



Off to work she would go, left behind were those dreams

Of her love and the Grinch, how preposterous it seems




Every year around Christmas all the Who's threw a bash

'Twas a party and pageant and food with Who hash



All the Who girls paraded in a lovely Who dress

Then the crowd would all vote for the Who, who looked best



Though he wasn't a Who, still the Grinch had a vote

And he always chose Beth on that Who ballot note



For the winner rewarded one boy with a kiss

And if Beth ever won it, there's a chance he wont miss



The kiss would be planted on the one whom she loved

To be sure, just in case, the Grinch washed and he scrubbed



In the mirror he puckered and he practiced his smooching

And all day walked 'round with his lips pursed and pooching



Then he picked out a tie and a hat and that's all

But he measured himself to make sure he's still tall


Then he dressed and perfumed and he'd brush his green hair

While reminding himself, "Don't be late and don't stare."




Every Who there in Whoville came dressed to the hilt

Showing whoticipation for the gala they'd built


And the Who gathered 'round the big table to feast

But no Who knew that trouble, would soon come from the east


John Paul met the Grinch, found their seats and they sat

As they whispered and giggled touting Grinch's big hat


Many Who's dipped the punch, dipping no fingers in it

And the last to arrive was that mean old Who Bennett


Who Bennett was welcome and not a single Who knew it

But trouble would come and Who Bennett would brew it


Bennett sat near the Grinch where he greeted John Paul

With between he and Grinch no words spoken at all



The Grinch and Who Bennett were not friends at all

And Who Bennett was jealous, he was short, Grinch was tall



Then taking a seat right behind the green Grinch

He imagined the ways he could make the Grinch flinch



Soon their pageant would start and the Grinch so distracted

That he didn't see Bennett nor observe how he acted




In their dressing room Who's did their lips, nails and noses

And adorned their Who hair with Who candy and roses


Some practiced Who songs and some twirled a baton

Others quoted their speeches they'd use if they won


All the Who girls were lovely, all their clothes were so nice

With Who dresses brand new; worn just once, never twice


Who Beth's was bright green, and she wore fuzzy green shoes

But she didn't quite care if she'd win or she'd lose


Then she peeked through the curtain and she saw the young Grinch

And delivered herself one more sobering pinch


When the Who band delivered their Who serenade

To announce the commencement of the Who girl parade


Who Bennett put tacks near the Grinch's green butt

And he gave one to Max, the Grinch's nappy old mutt


Their parade was delightful; it was such a Who sight

As the lovely Who girls entertained through the night


First came Who Sue, then Who Sally, Who Mary

Who Brenda, Who Linda, Who Charlotte, Who Sherry


Who Teresa, Who Judy, Who Donna, Who Doris

Who Karen, Who Katie, Who Liz and Who Kloris


Who Tammy, Who Tanya, Who Susan, Who Zeth

With Who Penny, Who Peggy, Who Drew and Who Beth


One Who tapped and danced, and one sang a Who song

One picked a Who banjo, but her song was too long


Another stood and told jokes, a Who chance to be funny

Every Who had one goal; and it was kissing their honey


The Grinch grinned then twitched brushing tacks from his bum

And he flinched as he plucked a sharp tack from his thumb


But Who Bennett had noticed the Grinch's attention

Was too finely focused as Who Beth's name was mentioned


When Who Beth was on stage every eye was Who wide

Her performance helped Who's undecided, decide


When she opened her mouth and the Who song came out

The Grinch thought he knew what her song was about


She sang of a love between those far apart

And the secret affections she hid in her heart


Her voice hypnotized every Who and the Grinch

And with last notes she pinched one more sobering pinch



When the time came for voting by host hammered mallet

He instructed all Who to choose winners by ballot


Every Who paused and scribbled one name on their note

And we know how the Grinch did exuberantly vote


When the ballots were in and the votes had been counted

Every whisper fell silent; lots of Who tension mounted


Then the host tapped the mic and every Who held their breath

As he announced that the winner was the lovely Who Beth




The crowd was ecstatic, with every Who clapping

And the noise was so great, mice awoke from their napping


The vibrations vibrated the chairs where they sat

With the Grinch slowly standing; warming heart with his hat


Then the crowd all fell silent as they waited to see

Whose lips she'd be kissing for no one knew who it'd be


Who Beth took the crown with a welcome surprise

While she scanned through the crowd, she sought grinchy green eyes


Then the Grinch raised his hand and Who Beth raised hers too

Where at last they both felt it; and at last they both knew


What a magical moment, and in an instant they stood

Face to face two together, free to kiss if they would


As the Grinch felt the thump of the heart in his chest

The proceedings were halted at Who Bennett's request....


He had leapt to the stage and with rule book commanded

That thee rules should be read; "Read the rules" he demanded


Then he opened the book, and he read from page two

Which said, "The lips that are kissed must be Who kissing Who"


"Preposterous" said one, "That's insane" said another

"The Grinch ain't a Who, but he's surely our brother"


Still, Who Bennett insisted saying, “The rules must be followed”

As he stood there and smirked and in meanness he wallowed




Imagine the pain, disappointment, the sorrow

Which occurred on that day and would still hurt tomorrow


The Who took a vote but the rules didn't change

And no kiss was allowed and emotions grew strange


The Grinch walked away with his pain undeserved

As Who Bennett just smiled at the mischief he'd served


While his meanness was meant to make the Grinch a lot smaller

Through the years Bennett shrank; and he didn't get taller


Who Beth moved away and no one's heard from her since

Never kissed her Grinch Prince; and she's kissed no one since


Every year around Christmas there's a bash on that date

But because of Who Bennett, there's a clash with Grinch hate


This poem is about: 
Our world


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