Why Does Everyone Like Cheese?


This was read in Texas, at my school's poetry club
United States

Not that I have anything against it, but somewhere, embedded deep in the human pysche was like, "You know what? What I want? Milk. But solid. and kind of smelly?"

Its not like its rooted in common culture, I doubt you'll find Aztec sculpture of the beloved substance.

It's a new thing.

But there is industries primed on it. Hell, we have a state based on it. Where you can go to Wal-mart and buy a cheese-head- a hat of foam cheese- and wear it.

And no one looks at you wierd. 

Its like a cowboy hat in Texas except instead of a hat have it be a cow.

A literal cow.


See, I don't know how many of you have been out of Texas, but other states just don't know what to be, so they latch on to something. And for the poor kids growing up there- like me in Wisconsin for elementary- they really emphasize it. So every year we'd go on a trip to a dairy farm where they explain extensively how to make cheese. Cause, age 8, there's nothing more exciting than learning all the different awful smells can come from a cow. For 5 years in a row. And, since my town was so little that we celebrated "Cornfest" unironically, we couldn't afford any other field trips. 

(And on a somewhat unrelated not- I was Junior Miss Cornfest 2005- you're looking at royalty here)

Not that there are many people would complain. Free cheese all day, learn how to churn butter, the whole shebang! Problem was, I hated cheese. Be it taste, smell, or childish spite, I despised the stuff.

The cows would fear my intimadating 8-year-old stare from a 50-metter-distance, fear my stubborn armcrossing and stomps. NO, I would do not want some string cheese, fine, I'll take some homemade ice cream but GOSH DARN if it wasn't somewhat reluctant.

That being said, of course, cheese isn't the oddest choice of food, it just seems so rare for people not to like at least one kind of cheese. I'm not even talking about artificial cheese like Cheetoes, or Kraft. I love that. This might be only because of the die-hard dairy fans- and I assure you, they exist- would scoff at such debauchary. HOW DARE you stuff your face with such madness! You dairy anarchist!


To sum up my non-existant introduction.

My name is Amanda Christine. I have a personal vendetta against cheese, am a cow-hating monster, and dairy anarchist.

Thank you.


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