Why Am I?

... ... ...
Might as well start this
With my best foot forward.
Do you want the story?
Emotional exploring?
A lot has happened
In the last 20 years.
... ... ...
Relatively so.
... ... ...
20 years.
It's either a very long time
Or just another very small
Fraction of life.
... ... ...
One more time for good measure:
... ... ...
It's throwback Monday.
Let's turn back the hands of time.
I've decided to rewind back
To the year 2005.
... ... ...
Long hair.
I cared.
Everyone else cared
Enough for me to know
That I wasn't fitting in
I was different from
All them.
... ... ...
In retrospect I see
I was merely a projector screen
For all my peers collectively
Deflecting insecurities.
... ... ...
What a shame.
Such potential in that long-haired,
Self-conscious, chubby kid.
What exactly do you plan
To accomplish here?
Don't forget
You got priorities to address.
Like the opinions of a bunch of
Prepubescent shit-heads
... ... ...
Time trickles on as it does,
With an immortal persistence.
It's now 2008
And it's time for transitions.
But of only locations,
The mindset's complacent.
... ... ...
As if all of my hatred
For all in existence
Just wasn't enough,
¶ I hated my situation as well.
... ... ...
To tell you the truth,
I hated myself.
... ... ...
As time trudges onward,
My depression manifests.
Subtly at first,
But quickly turns to a mess.
I'm obtuse and abusive
To everyone I should love.
I even orchestrate an escape.
I'm underage and I'm gone.
... ... ...
That's when my demons
Need an excersizing
Instead of couch potato
Days of crazy multiplying.
I must have had a metropolis
Like an obstacle full of all the shit
You never wanna come
Face-to-face with.
... ... ...
That's when she arrived
And all was fine and dandy
My demons disappeared
And I found a bag of candy.
... ... ...
If only,
If only,
The woodpecker cries.
The tails of the fairies
Would touch on our lives.
... ... ...
I don't desire to elaborate.
2 and 1/2 years elapse
And 'fucked' becomes a
Situational understatement.
... ... ...
The green-eyed monster
Slithering its way into my life
Methodically plotting
The demolition of all that is mine.
... ... ...
For the enemy.
... ... ...
I made a gateway decision
Next thing you know
I'm burning thru bridges
And paydays like Swishers
I'm homeless and dirty,
A shameful ol' sinner.
I strung out my hustle
It kept getting thinner
And now it's no longer
So I'm just a goner.
... ... ...
There's rocks on the bottom
I pray you don't know.
Just take up my word
That's no place you should go.
They're sharp and malicious
They find tears delicious.
So truly distasteful,
My consciousness shifted.
... ... ...
All the bottled up hatred
Escaped from its captor
And gave itself up for
The universe's balance.
The void that remained
Was quickly retaken
Potential from 2005
Is awakened.
... ... ...
So many locked doors
I just found the key to
It's gonna take me time
To finish up what I need to
To soak up the wisdom
That flows with the day.
Epiphanies seem to be
More commonplace
Now that love's the replacement
For negative vibes
I'm honestly living a helluva life
... ... ...
I've so much improved
But I'm still far from perfect.
Rebuilding burnt bridges
Is hard labor work, man
Persistence and focus
Make closer, your goals.
Attention's your payment,
Don't go through default.
Just do what you came here to do
And then move it.
There's bigger and better
In store here for you.
... ... ...
So what makes me me?
All the fucked up scenes
That I've created with ease
On my journey back to righteousness,
The shit that I've seen.
The wonder of the world
And all that lies beyond.
Embracing imperfection
And making the best of what I got.
... ... ...

This poem is about: 
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 



"All the fucked up scenes that I've created with ease".

Man I feel you on that one.  For some of us self destruction seems to be the only way, pain is such a familiar friend.  

You are not alone :)


Thanks man. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

I try to just keep it 8 more than 92 all the time... More people tend to truly relate that way.

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.


If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741