You are like a boat lost in a storm

bouncing and sailing, rolling and turning

your mind is choppy 

lost but determined

determined to find the stars

 

I can't see through the blackness of night

predicting an end to this storm in vain

the only way it will end

is to find shore.

the shore lost in monolithic black waves.

 

You would handle them better

If this were not the first storm,

you'd know the waters

you'd know your defences

but you have young hands

no knowledge,

no one in the name of guidance.

 

I'm misguided and confused

the sudden urgency of the situation,

raking through thoughts of times prior when warned of such despair.

though however far i wade through memory,

no help arrives

I'm lost,

not only in this thought, but in this sea.

this sea that rages only from my own instability.

 

You see that there is no hope,

that is your flaw

there is only hope for those who believe,

you make yourself believe,

to fight

by pulling the mast to guide yourself to shore

never give in.

but you will not.

 

I can't see that

in times of loss and desperation,

times when nothing but the darkness is visible,

what is there to fall back on when there is no faith in the divine?

self guidance is a thing never found in this soul.

 

Faith in oneself is all a boat has.

Faith that it's hull will stay firm.

Faith that your hands will hold.

Faith that if you do not return safe,

the shore will truly miss you.

 

I feel I'm only a flagellant,

for the sake of that desparate shore.

hauling through the grey riptide for the ones that built this boat

, for the ones that wanted me to return safely