I still have wet eyes from the past dreams I watched die

I still have sore feet from walking the dark streets of my misery
I still have a hard head because when its all said and done im still dead

In the end im still numb to lifes dumbness
Paralyzed, my life lies here
And I wonder, but I never ask why.
I never ask why my mother had to die I never ask why her soul had too fly

I never ask why...
I never ask why my father thought it was a necessity to abandon me..

I never ask why
I never ask why at night I stayed up and cried, thinking about life and the memories I never actually remembered

I just wanted that recollection of her love and affection that I never really had
My bad I dont feel sad its not my fault I had a dead beat dad
Whos mind was conflicted somewhat contradicted
To where he told me that he loved me, but was never there for me.

I was never my daddies little girl I was more of the worlds little something.
I couldnt find my identity, to them I was nothing
But I never asked why
-why I could never be accepted
I wasnt wanted and I felt it
I couldnt help it
That I was gave up and neglected

Wasnt he obligated to be there for me care for me when I was bully stand up for me what I did wrong stick up for me
Just be there to comfort me.

My mom was gone and it only took two to make me
now it's taking foster care to raise me too me that's crazy
They werent with you in the room when you made me and definitely wasnt there when she had me
You're suppose to be my father, my protector, my daddy and accept me glady because I am your creation and its sad we dont have a relationship

I still wish you were there there to comb my hair since my mom wasnt
You thought just calling me will work but it doesnt
I wish I was there to see me perform my poetry by me for things like dresses
And watch me twirl
With the heart shaped necklace that you bought me just to see the smile off your face will be priceless
Is he been killing me inside to write this but I do it's like suicidebut behind my words I no longer hide with this pen and paper ive learnt to fly
I write all the time and you never wonder why? Welll...
I write to share my pain I write to share my story a write to express hurt i write to release worry I write to stay sane alright to relieve stress i write to become one of my struggles I write to get over trials and tribulations I write to heal broken relationships I write to be free I write to give my life meaning
Because just telling you is too easy because my mind and mouth are shut because they teased me why did you have to leave me with a family unknown to me
Biological family never heard of them but they heard of me calling a lady grandma who is technically a stranger but who could blame her she was just making up for your mistakes
you were the one who left me you are the one who couldn't handle your responsibilities you are the one who let the system raise me you was the one who's supposed to stay by my side now ask me why I write because of you and all that you put me through i write because of you
because you said forget me and everything I'll ever need I write because of the need to express myself because talking doesn't help talking becomes yelling yelling becomes screaming taking me to the beginning never reaching the ending
I write to loosen the world grip on my neck so I can at least breathe I write for her for him for you no I write for me
I write to show you that I'm better without you, heart still beating its not the end of the world cause my world keeps spinning nowin a way ive grown to realize you were never there and you never could be it maybe that's why i chase love like the sand chasing tge ocean after a tidal wave
and maybe that's why I'm having trust issues knowing noone could possibly love me because the one who should of left me like the summer leaving the spring
the only difference is I never seeing you again so where are you?