She taught me to be strong when I was weak

She taught me to dig a little deeper into myself

and into the hearts of others.

To dare to look into the shadowy corners

and find light.

She taught me this because I could see it in her.

and she could see it in me.

and when she smiled.

it was like summertime in the winter

like honey dew in the Sahara

like drinking the stars right out of the night sky

and breathing in mist from a waterfall in the firery morning.

and I knew because...

I could see hehind her eyes

the pain

the struggle

the toil.

A child.

whole as the waters of the earth forced into adulthood.

Locked in chains, gagged, and forced to witness a lifetime of tragedy gone by as buildings crashed down around her.

and she lie restrained on the edge of a cliff

about to fall.

and when she did.

I caught her,

or rather.

she caught me.

a lover forced to become a fighter.

to survive the harsh necessities of life

and still be able to stand when she was done?

but she was never done.

she still had so much to teach me.

so much I wanted to experience with her beside me.

but now looking back, I know. 

that if she left me

"if she decides to leave me," I'd say...

maybe theres a lesson in that.

maybe I should set her free and let her live her own.

but then where would we be?

Broken inside, shards of the year gone past with memories too sweet to part from...

echos of each other pounding away in our hearts.

And how am I to cope?

she is my DRUG

I need her

she needs me

she needs me......

doesnt she?

she taught me to let go of the past

there are brighter things to come

but she's not in the past;

she is the present, the future.

I see her all around me

and i convince myslef that she'll stay with me so I can keep learning from her.

I keep planning our life together

when we are old

and gray

with drool on our chins

and canes in our hands.

And when I imagine a future without that,

I feel empty.

just empty.

But as she has taught me,

Only empty things can be filled.

a cup that is full cannot be filled anymore

until it is empty again.

Maybe

just maybe....

Emptiness is Renewal;

a new start

a fresh beginning.

Better and more Wholesome than the last.

But how can I be so sure?

I suppose...

that I will have to think very hard about what is coming

and use what she taught me

to start over

once again.