Like the sudden crash of a calm wave, a cold wind in the month of may, an unexpected solar eclipse where everything goes dark and the world is no longer warm. That’s how I feel every few minutes of the day. Although, then there’s the times where it was supposed to rain but the forecast wasn’t quite right, when my love had been working late all week but the one day I wished he wasn’t he finally got out early. There’s times where I think the world as I know it is ending or at least should. Then there’s times where I forget about time itself and how I probably should’ve spent it doing something else but, just for that little bit I was happy Bc I wasn’t here. Sometimes being here scares me more than thought of ending it all and watching my loved ones suffer from the great beyond. Sometimes being here makes me over think my purpose or makes me question if I have one. I over analyze every detail of every moment and I can never quite get what I want to say out of my mouth. Actually scratch that, I have a harder time with getting a thought from my parietal to my frontal lobe systems so I can then process it into words and speak how I’m feeling. Sometimes I think my boyfriend is only with me Bc he’s already in so deep he doesn’t want to hurt me further. Sometimes I think my friends will get annoyed with my mood swings and leave me all alone. Too often I think my family is ashamed of me Bc I’m not like them. Way too often I think I shouldn’t have woken up when I was so close to letting go. Sometimes I think it’ll all pass, and sometimes I think I haven’t even begun to understand the meaning of real pain. -GG