I remember the first truth I heard

“The real world doesn't care about you”

That's what my father always told and taught me.

Little did I know I had to learn it the hard way.

 

From elementary to Middle school I remember so faintly 

I remember times when I lied to make seem like I was interesting

Because I was so poor and the simple things humbled me.

As usual, making new friends was hard impressing the boys was even harder

 

I grew up hearing I was ugly, disgusting, and even horrifying 

I've heard it all

“You look like a man”

That is what they always told me 

Right to my face. 

 

Pretty nice huh?

Nevermind that I've moved on 

Or so I've thought 

Maybe those are reasons I dont love myself 

Maybe those are reasons why im insecure 

Maybe. 

 

I always had my hair up in a ponytail and my face always looked greasy 

I never wore makeup at the time and wore baggy clothes all the time

I remember the first time I wore a crop top 

and low-cut shorts and it made me feel pretty

But my social media destroyed that confidence. 

 

Getting called ugly, disgusting, appalling

Like I said I heard it all but I never heard this 

“EWW WHY IS YOUR BODY SHAPED LIKE THAT!?”

That one almost killed me. 

 

I started taking a close look at my body and I started to see what he means

My hips have dips her hips dont have dips

But why do mine do? They are ugly, disgusting, and unpleasant to see

No guy will be satisfied by me 

Guys want a girl with the perfect body

And that makes me insecure because I know no guy would ever look at me 

Everyone is embarrassed about what I have to say 

They just tell me im stupid and go away. 

 

I want to be flawless and have a body just like you 

It's not fair I want those things too. 

I feel sorry for my mother and father because they have to put up with me

Saying I'm ugly.

 

I feel sorry for myself because I can't accept  

That beautiful comment from a beautiful person 

When I look in the mirror all I see is an error 

and I want to fix it because it's not perfect 

To my liking.