Bitterness

Hardening

Whenever I feel the walls of my heart callous

and my thoughts turn vile and cold

It is easier to adorn my mind’s eye with

a black mane

a poisoned apple

a hook

 

Whatever bright star I envied disappears

and jealousy overtakes the imaginary foils:

a chivalrous lion,

a snow-skinned maiden,

and a chortling boy cawing through the sky

 

I look at them and think

I want their fire

I want their beauty

I want their freedom, their joy and adventure

They’re so bright

 

You are eclipsed

You are dull

 

So you’ve done many things to make them scowl

You hurt them, but you dug two graves

Got more depraved

But they’re always in the way

Just one more step and you’ll make it to the top

But no! Then they’ll watch you drop

Down the cliff into the flames

or to the crocodile’s jaws

 

Returning to the fortress you built

that is now quite foreign,

suspicions run wild

Bare your teeth to the harsh world

that dealt you bad cards

You could never play "fair" or "right"

"Right" and "fair" have never been easy

 

A sorrowful eye squints in the face of triumph

A spoiled soul numbs in response to radiance

A sunken future wails to the youths dancing on endless horizons

 

And it is moments like these

when scarred lions

when red-lipped queens

when handless captains

put their chins up

and look at this monster of expectation

 

It is moments like these

when you return to

your cave,

your castle,

or your cabin

feeling empty and defeated

by the perfect Simba’s, Snow White’s, and Peter Pan’s of the world

 

It is moments like these

when you must look yourself in the mirror,

stare it in the eye,

put your fist through the glass,

and grab out the deceit in your heart

and tell yourself

“You do not need this story!

This ending!

This quest does not love you!”

 

We were eroded crooked,

but we must find hope

 

Hope is a seed

to be sewed in the fecund meadows of memories

Remember when you were but a particle of nature

taking in the world whole as

that little cub

that sweet girl

that scrappy boy

That self is still analogous to now

 

Believe me,

in some desert

in some kingdom

in some journey scouring the sea

you will be whole and content

 

I, myself, exit the world of fantasies

After inhabiting the extremes of villain and victor,

I feel at peace with reality

 

 

 

The art is accredited to Devian Art's BJPentecost.