You sit up on the bed you were sleeping on
The Pain inside of you shudders your every bone.
The youth that once was is now forever gone
You vainly try to remember all those moments you were happy,
Sadly realizing that they are nothing but brief flashbacks, moments long forgotten,
Overshadow by the malice of your life
The times during the war, that left your heart rotten
And your innocence forever broken.
You remember the times when you looked at a black man
And saw nothing but a deformed black thing; a thing, not a man
You remember the times when you shot men and women dead,
Fighting a war that was never fair, knowing that in a war you never win.
You painfully stand up and saunter to the bathroom
You haltingly turn on the light and let the water run.
When you look at yourself in the mirror
A dying face is looking back.
You remember that woman you raped and left on a Christmas night,
Her child looking at you, asking Jesus why?
You see yourself yelling at your wife, telling her she has no rights,
You slap her on her face; she bleeds and you just watch her cry.
You remember that New Year’s eve, when you hit that Gay man’s face,
You threw him down the sewer, yelling at him “You disgust me… You disgust God.”
You realize that you represent all that is wrong with the country that raised you,
Raised you to live a life where you could see a child’s frozen face dead in the snow,
And look away, not even care, almost as if you didn’t know that could be your child, killed by your own brothers.
And your last memory, the one that always repent all men before they die,
Is nothing but a dying face looking back.