Unrecognizable

That is the first word that comes to mind when I look in the mirror

My skin is its usual golden shade

My eyes are as blue as they always have been

But they look unfamilar--filled with disdain

There is a slight crease between my eyebrows

These features do not belong to me

They are the work of my alter-ego

The girl I present myself as to everyone else

She is cool and confident

She does not smile

I hide my fear behind her anger at everything that is beneath her

When I want to be sleeping, she wakes up early to do our hair

When I am supposed to be studying, she drags us out with our friends

When I would rather be reading a book, she calls up a cute boy who gave us his number

While I would tell him about how my favorite author is in town, she invites him to a party

But get this

He turns her down

Instead he invites her to a book signing he recently heard about

She is dumbfounded--and silent

For once it is my turn to speak

I readily accept his invitation

I realize there are no expectations--no strings

Just a friend

And I smile for the first time in forever

I look at myself in the mirror

I stare until my smile is etched into my memory

And I recognize the girl I once was

The girl I am trying to be again