Unrealistic Depression

To be specific,
it started when I was younger
I was different when approaching other faces
I didn't quite fit
Depression is "unrealistic" in a world full of wonder
that is something, perhaps I'll never get

 Those outside expected me to listen
But could they hear the leaf fall from the tree?
No, both their ears are far too weak
to perceive the muffled absence of repetition
yet, this is merely the beginning As I longed to hold my own character
the shadows roots drank from the sea
Next thing I know, I commence drowning
the void of the ocean is all that I could register
it seeped through skin, and I, allowing Soon I accepted the isolation
but could they feel that I felt sinking?
No, my smile strained from cheek to cheek
The mask I wore refused to revel true identity
Why did it inhale the air I was supposed to breathe? I am not my own. What I would say, think, and feelabout myself was unhealthy
What I thought was aiding was
really constant sinning
I would cry out to God,
"Why am I hurting!" I doubted Anyone understood
but God was waiting
I would harass myself
until it became frustrating
Then God gazed me in the eyes
"My child, what are you saying?" Like Saul, I gave into the labeling
the world made me think I was like loose-leaf
A loose-leaf failure so willing
to drown in the lake full of my constant screaming
"God, why haven't you killed me!" That is when I could see more clearly
Depression, to God, has no meaning
Yes, I have sinned,
but God has already named me I am His empty lovley
and without Him I know
I am worth nothing To be specific,
something in my heart began changing
God became more important than the faces
larger than the ocean's weight and
more than my "Unrealistic" Depression

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