Full of pain, sinking with rage, indifference and shame. I fell for it—his sh*t, his lines, the kind twinkle in his eyes. I fell for it hard, lost amid faraway stars, shooting—losing hoping yet to be found, to be discovered like a planet, a species heck I’d settle for even a tree but alas there’s no poetic justice for me. just this, just us goin’ round this mountain, going. Coming. Around this mountain like she said.

I’m falling, twirling losing mind, skill, reason, ration. No signs of life, water, hope in sight. Dancing singing music with no words, songs with no sound—empty nothingness, bitterness, hungriness all the same.

Where am I? Whose am I? Do I want to know truth or is it kinder to live in a reality that’s breathed its last breath? Vanquishing—dying like the diamonds amid the black of night. Anger. Pain. I’m full of it, full of him and still I know this and do nothing. What must I do to be free? Claw at my frame til it spills its crimson secrets?

How do I live knowing this pain? Knowing the secret ingredient in this recipe of deceit, bliss and betrayal was none other than my heart? How do I? Do you know?