Truth of Me


I see the smiles, hear the laughs of my fellows

I feel the joy of the society, see the contented hearts of the people

All this I see, hear, feel, yet the experience of these things elude me. 

For I alone can feel solitary in a room full of people

Yet feel the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia at the same time. 

 I feel most myself when no one is around,

I can go days without interaction with anyone, yet still feel lonely.


I feel sympathy for people whom have never existed, apart from the written word, 

Yet feel nothing towards those in my life who are real

I can live a thousand lives without ever leaving my library chair. 

Yet somedays the task of getting out of the chair eludes me,

I feel more comfortable in my worlds of paper

Than I do in this world of flesh and mud. 

The people of my books are more real to me than blood and bone. 



Dwarves, Elves, Men of Legend! These are the things that I choose to occupy my mind with, rather than the petty squabbles of the common folk. 

Dragons, Goblins, Dark Forces beyond comparison! Why should I not dream of their defeat, rather than think of the newest celebrity scandal?

Princes, Queens, Kings of Old! I choose to dwell in the legends of ancient history, 

rather than bother myself with the idiocies of this modern age!


Knights and Knaves, Cowards and Crusaders, Heretics and Heroes, Weaklings and Warriors!

These are my people, these places are my home, 

Outside of my imagination I am but a number, one in seven billion

Yet here I am of upmost importance, and here I will stay. 



Past, Present, Future! These places are mine to see with but a flick of the pages. 

Past! I can visit ancient civilizations and see heroes and buildings of a past age!

Present! I can visit anywhere on the planet and see any of the sights I want!

Future! I can visit the innumerable timelines that the future may hold. 

Past, Present, Future! Time is putty in the hands of the reader. 



Inside everyone there is a bottle, filled with emotion.

Some have large bottles, virtual oceans of raw emotion,

never filling up.

These people never have to worry about the bottle overflowing, breaking.

There are, of course, normal people, whose bottle isn’t large but not small,

just right for them. 

But there are a select few of us, whose bottle is minuscule, immeasurably small. 

Our bottle may be tiny, but we pack it tighter and tighter, 

Until, Pop!, the bottle breaks, emotions flowing forth like a monsoon 

The raw tide of our emotions ripping through anything, anyone in the way. 


I’m exhausted, the art of acting social is amazingly hard.

Smiling, Laughing, Trying my best, yet failing nonetheless. 

Failing, not on the outside, but inside.

Inside I feel myself failing, the strings of emotions are slowly snapping. 

For people are like balloons, tied down by the strings of their emotions,

And when those strings snap, we float away

into oblivion. 



My mind is my kingdom, and here anything is possible.

Only a select few are allowed to see the darkness within me,

And they return too frightened to speak. 

For inside my mind is more horrifying than any Hell. 

My mind is constantly spewing forth information, 

Yet in the dark recesses, there lives a being, 

The being of Doubt, and his friends, 

Self-loathing and Anguish.

These monsters pollute the great river of thought, 

Turning it to a thick muck, crippling to those

that have not lived with it as I have. 

For I am used to the thick muck that Doubt produces,

And I wade through it, though with heavy heart and head hung low. 

It is not a pretty place, my mind, 

Yet it is the only one I have, and I will conquer it. 


Imagination is my realm, here I am champion.

For without my Thought I am nothing,

but an empty husk of a person. 

Without Imagination we are but a number,

one in a billion. 


I see the light, shining bright all around me,

Yet inside I fell only darkness, 

an endless void of self-loathing. 

A pit so dark no light may ever penetrate it. 

No! I refuse to let this darkness conquer me!

I will fight, fight for my life in this unending darkness. 

I will conquer this, and pass through unscathed. 



Fear, fear conquers all. 

What if it goes wrong? What if I fail?

These questions make men quake in fear

Yet where there is fear there may be Hope,

And Hope can overcome the darkness of fear, 

if only Hope is fueled. 


My fear is that I will go unremembered,

That I will do nothing worth remembering. 

Yet one day there will be no one to remember the likes of 

Cleopatra or Homer, let alone me. 

But this fear will not stop me from trying. 

Nay! this fear won’t hold me back, and I will be remembered,

if only by those closest to me. 

For a man is not truly dead until all those memories of him are gone,

Washed away in the river of Time. 

Perhaps one day people will remember me for great deeds,

Yet I hope more to be remembered for the ordinary acts of kindness performed. 

For darkness is kept at bay not by daring deeds,

But by the ordinary acts of the common folk. 



Death, the great equalizer of humanity.

Who knows what will come after?

But which is more frightening, an eternity in Hell

or nothing?

What if there is nothing after Death?

No thought, no speech, no better place,

only darkness. 

That, my friends, is more frightening to me

than any length of torment. 

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