Today I Am

Maybe you smiled at me todayMaybe you said 'hi' in the hallsYou may have complimented my hairOr something that made me feel not so small.Maybe I got a good gradeOr something that made me not use my bladeToday I am happy Maybe you tripped me at schoolMaybe you called me something uncoolMaybe I got called ugly and cried in the bathroomOr something that made me want to get sucked up by a vacuumWhen I got homeNo one was thereSo I pulled up my sleeve and took a breath to preparePierced skin made the blood flow out of the woundThe jagged red lined that would clot soonHoping what was coming was doomAll because of youToday I am sad Maybe you were the one who called me 'worthless'Maybe it was you who spread that rumorMaybe it was you who made fun of my family andBrought back unwanted memories.Today I didn’t eat lunch becauseSomeone wrote fat pig on my lockerI cried in the bathroom again.I went home and went in the showerAnd added more lines to my collectionI feel like I’m falling apartI don’t want to be aliveToday I am broken Maybe it was you who sat next to mewhen I was breaking down at lunchMaybe it was you who asked if I was okayAnd when I said 'yes' you told meI was a liarMaybe it was you who saw my scarsAnd didn’t pity me or make me talk about itMaybe you told me I was worth the worldToday I am healing Maybe it was you who befriended meMaybe it was you who made me eat when I was trying to starveMaybe it was you who stuck up for meHugged me during my depressive episodesLaughed at my jokeMade me take my meds and exerciseGave me a shoulder to cry onA reason to liveAnd a full recoveryToday, I am fixed Today, I smiledA real, non-fake smileI laughed authentically, to the point I was gleamingI have friends who care about meI have a will to liveI am three months clean todayWe celebrated with cakeI had four piecesI am undeniably happyAnd I feel freeToday, I am me.

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