TIDES OF MY BEING BY DOYIN.
I was never really a problem
Except upon occasions when I lived.
And In this very eventful occasion,
I knew much, but experienced rather less than I would have preferred.
I knew, of the standing ovations that were never in my honor,
But I did experience receiving contemptuous looks and remarks.
I knew, of the approvals I hardly ever received.
But I did experience more than my share of rejections.
Not that I lived to look for approvals,
But to live a life with no approvals whatsoever can be quite disapproving.
I never really lost.
Except upon occasions when I loved.
That it is in these very tragical occasions,
That I grew very familiar with the burdening weights of a broken heart
And the grieving reality of being at the losing end.
I am never really insane,
Except upon occasions when I am myself.
That it is upon these very Intensely liberating occasion, for me…
That the names attributed to me,
made it seem as if spending the rest of my days in an facility
was an inevitable fate for me.
I was never really lonely…
Except upon occasions when I was with those
I had to get along with out of mere obligation.
For in those tormenting moments of great mental discomfort,
That I earned the title…”moody”.
I was never really ever so wanted And my presence craved…
Except upon the very anticipated occasion when I died…
That it is in this moment of great disappointment
to figures that continually pointed at my imperfect self,
They were stretched , only to meet a dark empty void.
This was the only time, that I found pleasure in my series of rejections…
That a “clingy” a human being I may have been….
Innumerable problems found it within them to finally reject me
And live on past my hour of death.
Or maybe I was never a problem
And the problem was never me
That problems predate me and their presence or intensity are not dependent on my existence.
But I am rather an easy human being to blame.