Thoughts to Make up the Tears of my Daily Life

Sun, 11/22/2020 - 20:25 -- Zanies

These are the thoughts of my daily life
Something that I consider a normality
"Normal" for me is "horrible" to the average person
I'm not an idle person
I let myself work till I'm to tired to continue
Then, I tell myself "you didn't do enough"
With this I refuse to let myself sleep
I force myself into a state that is reserved
You might think it's disturbing
You might find this place too dark
This is my comfort
I wait for the tragedy of comfort me
Then I beg for the negativity to leave
Then I break mentally
After that I think to myself, in this order:
"I just want relief"
"I deserve this pain"
"I wonder how drowning feels"
"Why do I run for life and work to survive if I will just die?"
"I find the bad in every good thing."
"What's wrong with me."
"When will my stress end?"
"God gave me this, I deserve it."
"What did I do wrong?"
"I have to get up."
"I need to be better,"
"I'm perfect as is."
"I'll never be good enough."
"Why do I cry so much?"
"The only thing I'm addicted to is suffering."
"The world's not gonna stop for me. No one will."
"I only have myself."
"I'm running from myself."
"I need change."
"I'm scared of change."
~
Then I cry myself to sleep and dream of death
I have nightmares of happiness
I'm looking for something I'll never find
I give love and don't get any in return
I'm easily replaced
Breathing doesn't mean I'm alive
Save me
I'm drowning in my own thoughts
And I will still smile in front of you
I will smile as my thoughts pierce my heart
As I shatter and break
And I'll laugh
I'll make jokes
I'll live
My shattered heart, broken mind, burned soul, extreme pride, and dead thoughts
We work together like a puppet master
My body is my puppet
Even if I cry...
This hallow shell of bacteria, blood, and flesh will appear perfect....

This poem is about: 
Me
Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

Therealityofbeinghuman

Powerful and relatable 

I wait for the tragedy of comfort me

Then I beg for the negativity to leave

Then I break mentally

After that I think to myself, in this order:

"I just want relief"

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741