There are so many things I want to write.

To say.

But maybe I'm too much of a coward.

Maybe I've fucked up too much.

I don't feel my heart beating anymore.

It used to throb so ever loudly. Boom, boom boom, then... just... silence.

I lost the beating of my own heart. 

How could I love when I have no love to give.

How could someone love me?

Wait.. they don't...

I find myself rambling like this... Just typing random thoughts from my head.

I can't breath.

My door is locked. Bag packed. Eyes closed.

I'm a coward.

Sometimes when I look up... I see no stars. No moon. No clouds.

Just... black...

I wonder...

Is that what it's like to die? Just, black, nothingness...

My fingers type.

Clicking on this keyboard. Click, click, click.

Writing words I can't finish. 

Am I crazy?

I hear all the words, all the names, all the voices. Of judgement. Of a beast. Of me.

I am a monster.

Aren't we all?

Monsters that are too scared to realize who we really are so we put on fake masks to cover the ugly.

Sometimes... I hold my breath.... I hold it as long as I can.. I do it to feel the conciousness slip away. The life die away. The blackness fills the void. 

I can't sleep. I blame insomnia. It's not that though. Not some medical term. Not some excuse.

It's me. 

How can a human soul be reduced to a science?

Aren't we much more than that?

The pain when our heart shatters into a million pices. How can that be put to a science.

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Well if that's true... I see a very odd beauty.

I can touch all the beauty, but I never know how it feels.

I never can know what it is like to not be me. 

What is beauty.

We are just a speck in this universe. 

Just a small dot. 

Let that be perspective.There are so many things I want to write.

To say.

But maybe I'm too much of a coward.

Maybe I've fucked up too much.

I don't feel my heart beating anymore.

It used to throb so ever loudly. Boom, boom boom, then... just... silence.

I lost the beating of my own heart. 

How could I love when I have no love to give.

How could someone love me?

Wait.. they don't...

I find myself rambling like this... Just typing random thoughts from my head.

I can't breath.

My door is locked. Bag packed. Eyes closed.

I'm a coward.

Sometimes when I look up... I see no stars. No moon. No clouds.

Just... black...

I wonder...

Is that what it's like to die? Just, black, nothingness...

My fingers type.

Clicking on this keyboard. Click, click, click.

Writing words I can't finish. 

Am I crazy?

I hear all the words, all the names, all the voices. Of judgement. Of a beast. Of me.

I am a monster.

Aren't we all?

Monsters that are too scared to realize who we really are so we put on fake masks to cover the ugly.

Sometimes... I hold my breath.... I hold it as long as I can.. I do it to feel the conciousness slip away. The life die away. The blackness fills the void. 

I can't sleep. I blame insomnia. It's not that though. Not some medical term. Not some excuse.

It's me. 

How can a human soul be reduced to a science?

Aren't we much more than that?

The pain when our heart shatters into a million pices. How can that be put to a science.

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Well if that's true... I see a very odd beauty.

I can touch all the beauty, but I never know how it feels.

I never can know what it is like to not be me. 

What is beauty.

We are just a speck in this universe. 

Just a small dot. 

Let that be perspective.