thats just that
I want to kill myself so bad
thats just that
i rock back and forth and back and forth and forth and back and back and back back back and forth
im always losing against the waves
im just hoping my strength will die
and soon it will i can feel it
but whys it always finding more fuel to burn?
i want to simmer out you know
i want to dim
and spark
and cough
until there isnt much left but cold ash
instinct always fights back
i hate her
i hate how she makes me feel
she knows i want to be happy, she wont let me live in a lie
she knows i want to laugh and jump, she wont let me sit
she knows i want hugs and words of love and kisses of comfort and giggles of praise, she wont let me forget it
she feeds my flame forevermore,
never once am i allowed to drown,
i close my eyes and sink, just for a bit, just for a minute
but she grabs me by the hair
fills with me shame and reminds me of how ungoverned i am
and then i turn my head, but ive already thanked her in my head
regardless,
Regardless, regardless, regardless, regardless
Regardless,
i miss the way my head felt under water
the way the cold water frees my face of tension and soothes my hair of knots
is this an honest truth?
do i even know?
its messy, ive cramped it all in my closet its fine
its messy, maybe the mess isnt as big as i percive
is my closet going to blow?
ive put a lot in there, its messy
im just so tired i wish the waves would just lull me
i wish the waves would just eat me
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Adventure_cat
I can relate, this wanting to just feel numb so as to feel nothing at all, but our hearts refuse to give in, this inner turmoil we face of wanting and not wanting so as to release us of the pain. However, when the voices stop, those of your family, of your school mates, of your environment, of your inner insecurities, you'll find that your voice still exists, and it has a say in all those voices because it DESERVES to be heard, you deserve to be heard, don't let anyone make you believe otherwise, you deserve love, and hugs, and kisses of comfort, these are things I long for too, and it's only human that we yearn for them, and at times you'll find that this voice you seem to hate that fuels you, it's the one that comforts you and gives you reason for your feelings when you least expect it, because you love yourself, and you recognize that you deserve better as I do too <3 Stay alive, for yourself and for me, be your motivation and your love, and I'll work hard to do the same <3
