Stinging pain stabs my skull as it smashes into the white plaster wallMy eyes well and my vision blurs overI cough Gasping for air frantically blinking trying not cryI look into his eyes Glowing with anger I stare And I decide to think daddy  The last thing you would do in this position is think But I do it anywayI think about his expression So curled up and stiffHis veins thread through his face so prominent on his brown skin I could trace them with my finger his hot breath on my face Panting His teeth bared and snarling I was terrified Yet I can remember your smile So foreign now but every once in awhile It can make me want to break down and ask for your acceptance as your daughter But I'm not To you I'm not your child Not anymore Daddy I think of your actions So cruel and exposed I can see now but then it was good Even every time you yelled at me At least your noticed me Even when you punished me At least you were home that day Even when you broke my bones At least your alive I Loved you Daddy  Yet things unravels when I was 9 I never noticed that alcohol on your breath It was your smellNot the smell of a drunkWhen I thought every dad drank 3 cases a day When I thought going to buy beer was like going to candy store because you'd want to take me When I thought going to bars were special not just because they served alcohol Because they served you How can you expect me to love you after all you've done?I know now that how I grew up wasn't normalIt wasn't normal for a dad to be gone months at a time it wasn't normal for a dad to drink at 8:00 amIt wasn't normal how I'd have to beg for love It wasn't normal how you treated meBut I was too loyal I obeyed And always praised you I always wanted you to love me Yet I'm hereTurning blue and choking on your grip I should've known that what we want the most kills you Dad As you lift me off the groundYour arm extended And slam me against the floorand you walk away Like a child unsatisfied with its toy but you're not a child thoughDo You know what you're doing ?Do you ?!you act as if nothing happened. As if you've done nothing wrong You blame meYou blame everything on everyone you deny being a drunk You deny ever being cruelYou Deny the torture you put not just me though You pour gallons of piety in there mouths just to make them choke and give in Yet You have the courage To show us ofAnd tell us different Don't twist the twisted ending You're twisted enough to ask for us after you through us away  Yes you let go of my throat Yes you let mum take us to Hawaii But that's no reason to be father of the year it too late I've already let go of you you've lost everything and it was your choice As I'm crumbed on the floorYou left me and you left nothing good to remember by you Only tear soaked memories when I thought you cared When we went to stream to get rocks for the garden When we went on car rides to niagara falls  When you came to get me at school when you were gone for months And You make me cry Seeing you so different Sometimes I can see a flicker of the one I remember It breaks my heart I don't feel bad for wanting you gone Yet the sad thing is I still miss you I miss the old you And idk where he went He wasn't perfect He wasn't kind But he was my daddy He was my dad He was my father And all I have to say now is  goodbye daddyGoodbye dadGoodbye father  And I can still feel the scar sewn in my skull