I remember being young

and listening to my mother and father

shaming my relatives who had tattoos

and more than just ear piercings.

Saying the body is not a canvas

and the only holes a lady should put in herself

is on her ears.

 

But now I'm almost grown

with so many holes in my heart and soul

that it looks like a gun fight went down in there

while I was too busy to notice

because I was trying to scrub off what was left

of the marks on my skin made by those who thought

they could make me into their version of beautiful.

 

I'm confused,

if my body is not a canvas

and the only place man made holes in my body belong

 is my ears,

why do people often try to paint me

to the likeness of their vision of perfection

and why my heart has more piercings then my ears,

all of which I gave no consent to have?

Why is it okay to be clay for another's creation

 but wrong to want what I see as beauty grace my skin?

Why can I be everyone else's canvas and blank page

but my own?

And why,

when another decides

I have not turned out to be a master piece,

is it seemingly okay for them

to pierce a hole through my chest and heart

to take back the love they think is theirs,

leaving behind a gaping hole and exist wound

that will take more than a few months to close up?

 

But god forbid I pierce my nose.

 

Daddy used to ask me

Why would I want to be someone's target practice?

Why I would want to be anyone else's canvas?

 

I now realize I'm anyone else's but my own.