Sick to my stomach

The pain won’t go away

Hugging myself in hope

That the tighter I clench

The more it will disappear

It doesn’t

The pain isn’t taken away

From the medication

The pain calls me to be

Something called skinny

Something called beautiful

The only way to be these things

Is to be dead

Everyone telling me to try harder

I promise you I am

You see

My mind is my gun and

It shot me

And I am bleeding

Bleeding out slow

Dying more and more

From every breath I take

You ask if I’m okay

Both of us knowing

That you don’t really want to know

So I say “I’m fine”

You walk away as if you don’t know me

And that,

That hurts more than anything

Crying out for help

Killing myself with no one

No one around to hear me

Suicide silence it is called

Falling in to the hands of death

You don’t notice me slip away

You don’t notice the scars

Have turned back into cuts

The scars aren’t ever fading now

For they say when you die

The marks on your body remain

You can no longer heal

Your body gives up

Along with your heart to care

You didn’t notice I was away

For a few weeks when I laid in a bed

Not the bed in my room

But the one in a hospital

The one that chained me down

The one that told me I was insane

I don’t remember the last time we spoke

I don’t remember what happened

To be real,

I don’t even care

Because what is the point

In fixing something

If I’m not even

Going to be there

To see you again

What is the point in sticking,

Around when no one

Notices me or the marks

I wear on my skin

The broken teeth are a joke to you

They mean nothing more than a laugh

The pain is not of you caring

You are my father

You are my world

You are the thing I thought

Was always meant to hold me

Never once were you there

Right now I don’t actually care

For my death is called

Suicide silence