The blue, the white, and the grey
I am an invisible contradiction
To float away is all I long for 
To obliterate myself
And watch as the cracked
little pieces recollect on the
other side.

 

They will slowly conform
to the rainbow
Despite ravish attempts 
to condemn myself
to my own self pity
I will not give in to
the pressure
I will succeed.

 

I am not as I once was
Nor was I ever what
you once thought of me
I am only as I am
And will never be 
the one you want 
or the one I need
to be.

 

I am only this 
I am only it 
I am not an I
I am not a person
I have become  
a thing
an object of
avoidance.

 

It will not stop
The compelling force
will grow and grow
until it evinces the 
truth behind the fake
and the pretend.

 

The has been and
the have nots only
unite when
long lost love
departs from
this solemn
cold and dark
earth.

 

Voluptuous feelings
of sensational pleasure 
will arise from within 
me once I reach my
destiny.

 

There will be no
solace or comfort
for those who I
leave behind
but with time
the burden of my
memory will depart
from their minds
like my soul will
depart from my
body.

 

The beautiful
ivory tower is
waiting for me
up there while I
am stuck below
the surface
where darkness
and light are
enemies.

 

Sometimes I like
it down here
where all that is
wrong wraps itself
around me like a 
boa constrictor 

 

The agonizing pain
of my suffocation 
releases my frustration
and forces it to pop
out of me fast quick
and forceful
like a shot of 
adrenaline that
rushes up my viens 
and chills me to
the bone.

 

I am defined by this
strange oddity & no
not even the sweet
benediction that 
others have tried
to bestow upon me
can save me now
once I have already
ventured this far.

 

The pieces of the
game are broken
and I no longer
want to play
with those who
have tried to take 
it and breake it
beyond repair.

 

It is all or nothing
and I am already
standing on my 
toes as they try
to knock me down
and take me out
with every blow
and bash I detach.

 

So I defend what
I am and destroy
the idea of what 
it is that you believe
makes me tick and
work like a helpless
Rag Doll thrown tossed 
and stepped on without
one percautious thought.

 

But I am not angry 
I am not sympathetic
I am not saddened 
over what I have
percieved to be the
truth behind my
reality.

 

I am only what
I have become
and that is why
I must leave.

 

Despair has no 
place in this 
world of coveted 
love and beauty.

 

ugly exsists 
in a pathetic 
form of trying
and failing so
I must go must
depart must
disappear from
their line of vision.

 

Without my
physical prescence 
my impact will be 
infinetly greater than 
what it is now or 
what it can ever
become while my
pulse still races 
through me.

 

So I will grant you
a vehement goodbye
Dear Someone. 

 

I hope you find meaning
behind what it is that I 
am and have become.