Nothing’s worse than feeling unwanted in a world full of thin people.

 

Being told simply your not pretty because of your weight brought me down

 

I left my tv on my 600 pound life hoping it will sink in that if I don’t stop. That will be me.

 

Longing so bad to be a success story. Some days I ate some days I didn’t 

 

Some days I choked on the pieces food that refused to make a reappearance in my toilet.

 

I cried myself to sleep at night longing for someone to just hold me.

 

Longing to be touched.

 

I felt unwanted because  I didn’t have anyone in my corner.

 

All the times I got yelled at for over eating, and told that if I don’t stop I’m gonna get diabetes

 

Watching my skin turn dark in places that it shouldn’t, and longing for my stretch marks to be long gone.

 

If your over weight you can’t have a eating disorder they say. 

 

You shouldn’t want to eat at all.

 

So what you throw up your food what’s the big deal.

 

The big deal is that I feel like I’m dying inside.

 

I’m longing for help that I can’t get.

 

No boy will touch me if I’m not skinny and thin.

 

Being 17 and never having your first kiss sounds pathetic I tell myself.

 

No guy will love you Why....

 

Because I’m fat....

 

Because I’m ugly...

 

Because I’m everything the average girl is not.

 

With my oversized proportions on my body.

 

Bullying bringing me down everyday

 

Causing healed scars on my arms to reappear.

 

Telling the same old story over and over again.

 

Refusing to disappear 

 

No matter what I do I won’t win, so why not make it stop.

 

You can turn of all the hurt and pain with one shot, one swipe.

 

Your everything they said you were but now you finally accept it.

 

I accept it.

 

 I’m not going to keep letting you bring me down for being who I am.

 

I’m not going to let society define me any longer.

 

I was afflicted,ridiculed, pushed aside because of my size.

 

Never given a chance or a second glance because of my extra large qualities that weighed me down like the sack of fat I was seen as.

 

Each part of my body was made in epic proportions that couldn't fit in everyday life.

 

One size fits all sure it may seem but nothing was ever able to fit my extra large qualities.

 

I was to big for life, more fat than person, each day carried me down like every calorie I never burned.

 

I was more flab than abs.

 

A few cards over a full deck. 

 

Not lighter than a feather, but heavier than a brick.

 

I was always feeling guilty about each chip that passed through my lips that I didn't have the strength to throw up.

 

And no I'm not an advocate for fat girls everywhere who are only seen as the size of their stomach.

 

I'm an advocate for every girl who looks in the mirror and calls their self ugly for every stretch mark that creeps their way across their body and twist and turns like a mountain road.

 

I'm for the girl that doesn't have a thigh gap but instead thighs that represent bread and butter.

 

I'm for every girl that has ever starved herself in order to change her appearance because of her big bone afflictions.

 

And if you aren't the girl I'm talking about then you just want to stop listening at this point because you never had to face the struggle. 

 

The struggle of being turned down by a guy because of your size.

 

The struggle of never being looked passed your weight and being seen as more beauty and brains than booty and brains.

 

Forget the beauty.

 

Your no longer a person but an empty vessel that other people see as fat and ugly and others see as pure pleasure. 

 

Don't let the affliction of your stretch marks be seen as scars but more like victory metals, for each day that you have made it through the torture and the pain because you not fat but beautifully made.

 

Your the rarest of flowers and sweetest of necatar that not everyone gets to taste. 

 

You are a success story, you are beautifully made.