it came to me under the guise of well-meaning concern

for my body, my chemicals,

my family, my voice,

my potential future lovers

it slid under my skin and wore me

dressed me up in stacks of pearls

until finally i softly said maybe not

june breeze on shorn skull

i continue to pry its grip from my skeleton on the daily

it said no

it said cassidy how do you think

anyone could ever, for you?

you will be known how they want to know you

but today i crinkle pharmacy bag

pulse-heat whisking away the coolness of alcohol wipe

today i pull back the plastic

fix needle to syringe

ready ghost dosage for positive pressure and watch air bubbles move slowly through oil

this is a blessing and a threat

i am beginning and i am always