The fear is all consuming,

to the point where one becomes numb.

Everything lost its luster

and the meaning behind words are lost.

Isolation came next.

Time spent in my room,

not even bothering to look out the window.

It was my own sad truth.

Then anger came soon after.

Not at the world but at myself.

I thought I was weak,

I though I was pathetic,

I was the wrong in the world.

It took a while, a whole year in fact.

To admit I was troubled

by my own anxious and sad thoughts.

An ongoing struggle.

So I blindly reached out

in hope of someone seeing.

I don't want to fade away.

I want back my freedom.

So now I am using my words as anchors,

and my friends as my peace.

My family as my purpose.

The promise of happiness as my belief.

I am not pathetic

and I'm not weak.

I'm still standing

and I will use my voice to speak

against those thoughts

that have for so long tormented me.

Against the ignorance that still

refuses to see.

Life is hard but no one should be shamed

for buckling under the pressure

or be looked at with disdain.

Instead there needs compassion

and the support for

those who still struggle to find their way.

I will help others just

as others have helped me.

A new year.

A new persepecive.

Keep walking foward and

use every second

of your life to bring good to the world.

Gain back the freedom

and the happiness we all deserve.