I am tired.
I am tired of being afraid.
Tired of cowering.
Or hiding.
Or pretending I don't feel the weight of the stare.
I am tired of digging nails into my flesh to remind myself I feel,
I've always felt-
But pain is a good reminder.
Itching to bleed hurts but it's not truly self-harm.
At least I tell myself.
I am tired of lying within my soul.
Tired of jumping at each brush of a finger,
Each hand on my back.
I am tired of not trusting those I love to handle me.
I am just fragile enough to convince people I am strong.
Another lie turned external.
Tired.
I am living in the state of tired.
Fear is not natural and yet becomes my constant.
I cannot eat.
Sleep.
Breathe.
Don't touch me.
Don't. I can't.
I am tired of being unable to love.
Tired of trying to.
I am tired, and it reaches to my core.