Start
A ninety calorie drink
And three cigarettes
Is how I start off my day;
Wanting perfection.
I am getting skinnier
But my breath smells bad,
But if I don't take a drag
My world gets darker.
If I can look the greatest
Say the least to him,
Bask in his adoration
Then this will be fine.
A salad with no dressing
And three cigarettes
Is how I spend my lunch break;
Begging for release.
I need him to acknowledge
All the things I've done
And try to ignore the smell
And look of my smile.
My teeth are yellowed with smoke
And my lips quiver
With the effort of trying
In vain to be brave.
A glass of wine with lemons
And three cigarettes
Is how I finish my day
Tired, but hopeful.
Five minutes brushing my teeth
And ten on my hair
But he's waiting for me there,
Happy in my bed.
I smile and look away
I know he hates it,
But if I don't take a drag
I don't feel pretty.
Orange Juice with whole wheat toast
And three cigarettes
Is how I start off my day;
Alone, without him.
He has never stayed the night
Leaves before I wake
And somewhere inside my heart
I hate him for that.
Making me feel so lonely
Hating all I've done
To bring a smile to his face.
He is ungrateful.
A kind, but strange voice asks me,
"Why three cigarettes?"
That's how I get a clean slate
Already perfect,
Without having to explain
Just smiling at him
And he doesn't cringe away,
He has yellow teeth,
And I know that he won't leave
Without telling me.
I don't talk to "him" again
And that is okay.
I start off my morning with
A decent breakfast with Paul
And only two cigarettes…