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A ninety calorie drink

And three cigarettes

Is how I start off my day;

Wanting perfection.

 

I am getting skinnier

But my breath smells bad,

But if I don't take a drag

My world gets darker.  

 

If I can look the greatest

Say the least to him,

Bask in his adoration

Then this will be fine.  

 

A salad with no dressing

And three cigarettes

Is how I spend my lunch break;

Begging for release.

 

I need him to acknowledge

All the things I've done

And try to ignore the smell

And look of my smile.  

 

My teeth are yellowed with smoke

And my lips quiver

With the effort of trying

In vain to be brave.  

 

A glass of wine with lemons

And three cigarettes

Is how I finish my day

Tired, but hopeful.  

 

Five minutes brushing my teeth

And ten on my hair

But he's waiting for me there,

Happy in my bed.  

 

I smile and look away

I know he hates it,

But if I don't take a drag

I don't feel pretty.  

 

Orange Juice with whole wheat toast

And three cigarettes

Is how I start off my day;

Alone, without him.  

 

He has never stayed the night

Leaves before I wake

And somewhere inside my heart

I hate him for that.  

 

Making me feel so lonely

Hating all I've done

To bring a smile to his face.

He is ungrateful.  

 

A kind, but strange voice asks me,

"Why three cigarettes?"

That's how I get a clean slate

Already perfect,

 

Without having to explain

Just smiling at him

And he doesn't cringe away,

He has yellow teeth,

 

And I know that he won't leave

Without telling me.  

I don't talk to "him" again

And that is okay.  

 

I start off my morning with

A decent breakfast with Paul

And only two cigarettes… 

 

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