Star Crossed
Location
I welcomed in 2016 with you in my arms
Just like I did last year
But it feels different
I remember when back then
We called eight days cuddle withdrawal
I won’t see you again until march
I survive until then
School was okay
I’m starting to get used to the cactus
I’m starting to get used to the people
I promised you I’d move back for next year
It’s looking more impossible than ever
And I’m not sure I want to
The distance is harder than ever
It’s May now and I know I can’t come back
You beg for me to move in with my dad
It’s an hour away from you
It’s better than nothing
I tell you no
But you ask for one last chance at convincing me anyway
Your cards of persuasion come
I read them and they fail to convince
I get ready to write you back saying that I can’t do it
Another new school in so short a time seems impossible
And I sit down to write and I am stuck
And stuck
And stuck
And I don’t think until now if I want it
I never considered what I wanted
I listened to my weaknesses
My insecurities
My fears
I was better than that
So I wrote you saying I would do it
I told my mom shortly after
She told me you weren’t good enough for me
She told me I was too young to see the consequences
She knew I wouldn’t listen
We have hope now
But I still won’t see you for another two months
It’s June and I miss you
I’ve missed you the whole time
But I really feel it now
I’m leaving my home life as I know it
Never to live with my mother again
You’re in Texas now
We are circling each other
Parents swapping us around until we barely know if we’re in the same time zone
I’ve never gone this long without seeing you
I convince my dad to drive me to Texas near the end of July
I can’t wait to see you but i’m scared
I don’t know why
But I’m scared
I can feel myself getting closer to you
I can feel my sister drifting away
I left her and my mother for you and
I’m scared
We see each other and my heart doesn’t stop
I barely feel relief
Or even happiness
I don’t cry tears of joy
But after a few minutes I’m not mad at myself for this
It doesn’t matter that I’m in a state I’ll never lived in
A house i’ve never been in
I’m home
Because you are home
And coming home isn’t tears
It is peace
I leave again a few days later
My dad only has so long off of work
But you are coming home soon
It feels so unreal
To see you again after such a short time
Hasn’t happened in over a year
To know that it’s over
The waiting months to hold your hand
The constant “I miss you”s
The dull tension in my chest
It’s over
I see you again in a week
My next challenge is starting school
My main fear has come
I thought it would be harder than last year
Starting my third high school
After starting my second the year before
But I was wrong
I knew what to expect this time
Not the building
Or the people
Or the teachers
None of that
But the aloneness
The pattern
The sociology of it all
I was now trained in the art of new schools
And I learned that midwestern hospitality is real
Soon I have a newfound love for my new school
I miss my mom making me dinner
But the new classmates warmed up to me
Much faster than the old ones ever did
I see you almost every weekend and I have no regrets
We apply for the same college and get accepted
It’s comforting to know I’ll be returning to my hometown
What better of a starting point for my adult life
I have real plan for the future for the first time
I have hope
As the election draws closer and closer I get nervous
The possibility of him being president seems far off
Close enough to cause us worry though
I’m not old enough to vote
Even then I’m not sure it would help
My state tends blue anyway
I worry about fall play instead
The results surprise most experts
He loses the popular vote my over 1 million
And I have to be scared my rights will be taken away
I worry your rights will be taken away
I worry that we might die in nuclear war
We have less to worry about then some
But I realize that four years in the span of a lifetime is short
It may be almost a fifth of my life when it’s done
But just five percent in the long run
I brace myself for the worst
But I know that we’ll make it
We don’t see each other for new years
It’s the first one we’ve missed
But you’re in Texas again
I’m in Indianapolis
My dad trying really hard to make my sisters winter break interesting
We stay up together anyway
The same way we started the year
But so astronomically different