My life was a lie,

I  thought I was “normal”  

I had a part time job

I did extracurriculars

Although I was one of the few Latinas sprinkled throughout the school

I was well liked

I fit in well

I was smart

I had no doubts I could get help paying for college

But near my 18th birthday I found

Being smart wasn't enough

Without birth in a U.S hospital,  or a green piece of paper

only that determined your would be college journey

 

Not the amount of times you stayed up till midnight or beyond,  nitpicking your paper til it was perfect

OR cramming for that test

Not on your beautiful ability to balance AP classes,band practice and cross country running

It wasn't   even determined by your growing through the cracks when your parents had trouble providing,

Even though you went to bed hungry or did your homework under the street lamplight or near Random WiFi routers and still excelled

None of that mattered

All because of that piece of paper

You had no power to get

You were manifested into this country shortly after you were born, barely knowing your own name

When you miraculously did get to college it meant parents house or cheap rented room instead of experiencing the dorm life-becsuse your limited financial aid dint cover that

Hell...it didn't even cover all your fees or books

That came from your pocket

You were somewhat  blessed if you were of the undocu subtype- DACA which could get a work permit

But if you werent...I could only imagine

 

It meant working on your school work with limited resources- some of us didn't have fancy printers or computers or the ability to afford a good diet

(pause)

Often times our undocu parents couldn't make ends meet- they couldn't help  out financially,emotionally or academicaly

(pause)

Sometimes their problems  became so big- they’d subtly hint or suggest that you drop Everything and focus on helping them with your U.S born siblings instead

Which lead to feelings of anger and shame

 

Why don't  I get to pursue success?

It makes no sense to grow up your whole life being told to make the best of the sacrifices your Parents made and create a good life

Then  in the midst of doing  it

Decide it's too much and demand you drop it then and there

You’re too deep into it and  drive for success has become a part of you

Although you know  the odds are against you..all u want to do is still try

Because undocumented doesn't stop you from feeling like a human or being one