Spoken for Illness

Found out recently, that i really shouldn't be driving at night/ eyes struggling, grasping for light/ like a man drowning, in search of his next breath/realizing that all of the last times I've navigated the darkness has been by memory/and not by perceptions depth/seems that my body has become my own enemy/ shadowy figures grabbing at my feet....could that be death?/well i...i..just don't get the reference...that thing's not too lady like at all/ finally escape the demons of my past/ironic to say...but at last/ now it's the demons of my future preying on my downfall/ doubt shown in the faces of those who used to trust you/ where once showed love, seems impatience reigns/two steps backwards for every step forward...everest sized mountains just to make gains/caught on this hamster wheel when attempting to make change/habitually insane...daily doing the same/ no matter how we try to twist it/life as we know seeming to slip away no matter how tight we try to grip it/ what to others is still automatic, to us becomes manual/often forgetting to put life in gear, and shift it/trying to build up the simple building blocks of life...but who stole my manual?/ DAMNIT...who stole what was once mine, and belongs to me/ once considered gifted/maybe you're the dancer who now struggles just to walk/maybe you're the poet...who now struggles just to talk/Oh yes yes see I am him, and he is I/ there's still a field of dreams and abstract concepts deep inside/ see my fire was not put out, oh no that flame burns endless/but it was buried deep/...at times almost voiceless, forcibly silenced/ put in a corner, not to speak/a civil war in your own body...becomes violent/no longer trusting yourself...maybe even hating who you now see/wait....was it I myself inviting death in, asking her to set me free/Now I get it, lady death, such a sweet lady indeed/...no wait please, don't buy evil' s lie...life is not over, and in conquering day after day in our own clumsy, painful/ ugly...beautifully strong, graceful way/ we succeed/sweating, crying, pushing through until we bleed/what some don't want for, we badly need/but we're not jealous, no, we don't wish this pain on you/ if I could go back in time and see this bullet coming your way, I would jump in front of it every single time/I just want your understanding, some patience, as I find who I am, and what is still mine/....but even as my eyes go dim/and my minds eye fights blindness like that breathless man who can't swim/my light still shines/in fact be careful, because my fire burns so bright that just a glimpse of that flame could leave you as the one going blind/....i guess I'll leave you with that until we talk about my other close enemy...Time/

This poem is about: 
Me

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