we were more than friends, right?

I assumed we were the moment your lips met mine,

the explosion of my mind at the beat of your heart,

you sent me sprawling for a grip of what I called reality, but what you call a misunderstanding. 

 

Was my love a standby?

Was I turned into airplane mode to be switched on and off At the tap of a finger?

My thoughts were turned bright, burning holes through photographic eyes,

But you just put yourself into sleep mode.

you were the one who was able to be numb while I sliced my arms with your words.

A copy and pasted game, that's what we were, we were

a meme being spread about with no intention but to make everyone laugh, laugh at me, not us.

 

I skipped hours to be with you,

ignoring learning and basking in the colors you painted me in.

When I was with you I was a velvet sky, but without a pitch black hole loomed in the omnipresent sunlight.

 

cold moist floor cheered us on at the sight of us entering the school stairwell,

kisses stolen against the concrete walls, encasing us in everything I thought we were.

 

but then summer came, and nights once stolen with us became ones inhabited only by me.

therapy sessions became our place,

we skipped hours of pouring feelings and instead dripped ourselves into each other.

 

black hair, red streaks.

brown eyes, wry smile.

 

she was a skinny girl, a skinny depressed girl, a skinny depressed girl who you fell for.

 

You washed my colors over with white,

thinking I wouldn't notice the distant pastels lurking in my veins 

thinking I wouldn't notice the colorful girl you draped yourself on, 

claiming she was nothing but a bee in your hive of special friends.

 

My broken heart bled rainbows, draining every piece of you away

My mind made you into a monster, but you were already one, weren't you?