Wedged between the pages of his paperback journal

Still 157 pages blank from a life he cut short.
I found a letter from my best friend,

Here’s what I wish it said:

 

Hey Kit Kat,

I know, I know it’s been forever since we last spoke.

I’m sorry I left you hanging, haha, bad joke

Because… you know… yea… I’m sorry.

You know, it makes me so happy you’re hearing this,

Because it means you’re still alive.

And You have no clue how proud of you I am.

Trust me, I know living is hard… I guess that’s why I stopped.

I just want to apologize, for everything I’ve done.

You were the last person I wanted to find me.

I’m sorry I hung myself with that scarf you gave but,

I just wanted to be close to you when I died.

I’m sorry I made you see that, feel that.

But hey, the bruises are almost gone.

 

Hey Kit Kat,

Is your favorite candy bar still Milky Ways?

Have you finished that drawing for me yet?

Are you still with that girl from before?

Do you think of me still? I think of you.

I think of your smile.

The one that warmed my cold winter nights into warm summer afternoons

Making them easier to weather.

Oh! Oh! Remember when we used to star gaze?

I’d tell you all the science my mind could

In return you’d tell me the legends of the constellations.

Stories you’ve memorized since you were young.

Oh! And remember the time we agreed

That all great minds help paint the night skies?

I’m with them now, just like you’d said I’d be.  

I’m that star you watched from your hospital room.

June 2nd, 2015

After you woke up thinking you’d rather be dead

Because you didn’t see the point in continuing.

I’m that star. The one always watching.

I’d promised we’d navigate the night sky together.

It seemed to be so much darker then.

I’m sorry I couldn’t bandage your wrists.

I’m sorry that with taking my life,

I took part of yours too… I guess I was being selfish.

 

Hey Kit Kat,

I’m proud of you for living because I couldn’t.

And I’m sorry I’m not there

I wanted to watch you grow

Into little miss 5,567 volunteer hours strong

And try to talk you out of cutting your hair!

Though your self esteem grew with short hair

And your confidence shows in your smile.

I like it.

I am sorry I am not there like promised.

But hey, Kit Kat,

Thanks for being the best friend I’d ever have.

And thank you… for making those last years easier.

It means the world to me.

 

Sincerely,

Your Best Friend