I’m perfectly calm, straight faced evading anyone’s gaze, seemingly consumed with the task set in front of me…
But inside my mind its a battlefield only its every thought for himself. Every thought screaming in my mind
Leaving me without a single barrier to hide behind.
thinking of nothing while thinking of everything all at once.
what is this?
I can’t seem to hear myself over this, this insanity.
I don’t know where I am, don’t know where I want to be.
How could I possibly have gotten here?
My family: a number of faces that I see
With personalities I know all too well
but they don’t mean what they should mean to me.
They don’t see the person that I’ve come to be.
They don’t realize how much I struggle to force a smile.
They don’t realize the relationships that they don’t provide.
And my friends.
Are my friends?
But I know they are my family, yet I can’t keep them close enough;
I can’t let them see that my mind is a maze
And right now every wall is being throw up at me.
When I think I’m free
Think again
Because thoughts about my favorite person have been wrangled from me
And I’m back in the maze with new walls
And dead ends to figure out and all of these thoughts won’t cease
As much as I’m trying to shout over them and clear my head,
It seems as if this battle in my mind has left me dead.

A mental battlefield
And the last shot has been fired.