Do you know how much silence hurts?

Your judgment burns

Even when I don’t know you

How can I show you

That whenever you laugh, it lacks its happy definition and instead creates an incision in my wall of confidence

Still I try to stand tall even though I’d like to crawl

And rinse myself of the shame

Yeah, I know you aren’t the only one to blame

I’m fucked up with my fake shell of “I don’t care”

My insecurity that makes it so hard to bear myself

There’s only so many pep talks I can give myself

My mind seems stuck in a box, unable to shake off the self-pity

It’s like a sea of unsure feelings

And the high tide sends me reeling

I’ve repaired my shell so many times

That some pieces won’t stay

Even when I keep the shame at bay

All this shit is so hard to resist

How do I cope?

How can I make hope out of nothing?

The desire to run away is crushing

But still I stay

I hide all those emotions

That can’t be the only way to survive…

Are you ever scared you missed your fate?

And you wanna say, “Hey, wait!”

Let me go back and rewind

So that I can find what my purpose is on this planet

I’m sorry for taking my life for granted

I’ll work harder I promise

But it’s too late cuz your chance has already sunk to the bottom

That can’t be the only way to survive…

I’m not unique

I’m just some bleak copy

I don’t know if I can say whether or not I’m the original

Or the copy

And that terrifies me

It makes me want to tear through my brain to find what belongs to me

Let the rain wash away all the layers

Squash out what’s not me

I don’t want to be fake

But I’m afraid it’s too late


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