We, the inferior peoples of the world outside the First World,
more specifically outside the Great Yankee Empire;
and most specifically those of us inhabiting the primitive island of Africa;
have long seen our catastrophic end.
Long ago, were the days of Ashanti glory; or the great wealth of the king of the Zulus.
Long ago, were the days of Mansa Musa’s reign; or the ingenuity of the Noks and the Wolofs. Our nation’s political influence has been run over by the more superior ideals of Western globalization. We are considered the poorest continent in the world;
and portrayed around the world as helpless peoples,
all in desperate need of the mysterious wonders of Americanization.
Our unique practices and traditions such as lip-plating and rites of manhood are portrayed as backwards and primitive. Many American intellectuals
(especially those considered to be of the most industrious worldwide descendants of the Caucasian race) even consider our cousins in Australia, the so-called Aboriginals, to be further away from them in the evolutionary scale.
We are compared with primates in their homes and casual conversations;
and our reluctancy to establish industrialism and republicanism and Americanism and feminism and capitalism (which leads to extreme anti-communism) and social Darwinism is considered foolish, despite our stubborn idea that though we ourselves are so individualistic and differing in values; the addition of such “ism’s” would only cause further schism among us.
Our lack of formal education has caused our leanings towards swift acceptance to any foreign aid, including in the form of economic dependency towards Western nations; especially that of the Great Yankee Empire.
Therefore; I propose the final solution, the new deal, our great leap forward!
The only way to reconstruct our dismembered society is to bring about the quick recolonization of Africa.
Half of the island will be allotted to the Yankees; a fourth to be divided equally among the Western Europeans; and a fourth to the Eastern Europeans.
After the political defining of Africa as a territory allotted to these great nations; the second step, would be to eradicate all native (not to mention backwards) behavior among ourselves; except for those our leaders consider pleasant such as their acceptance of gages and repetitive music. Those who wish not to comply will be lashed until that which is the meat of the body;
that is, the muscles, are gashed just as far as the punisher’s hand can fully enter the body.
Then, white phosphorus will be poured into the wound, causing the criminal to know the selfishness and evil that is his crime.
We will use white chemical weaponry to destroy all infidels; and psychologically teach a valuable lesson to any sympathizers.
Since the West is indifferent to talk of religion, we will magnify this in our society, by establishing a personality cult--that is, faith; and make lawful the portrayal of this person in every public and private bathroom in the new territories.
Who shall we choose? No doubt; the Whitest of White!
A referendum shall occur ( as we will be more democratic), to decide if either Adolf Hitler or Jefferson Davis will be our moral example.
Finally, a mass migration of Texans, Vermonteers, Georgians, Brits, Germans; and any others with thorough experience in an industrialized society will occur, and perhaps their inter-mingling with us will cause our future offspring to be more competent than we are.
These Westerners will come in, and replace all natives involved in high positions of state, commerce, and education; thereby bringing about the beginning of the great reforms.
Americans as well as Europeans are well known to be honest in their political and military actions, and that is why I trust them all to deal in good heart with us; not betraying our friendly actions by sabotaging our economy by flooding our markets with inflation-causing goods such as accidentally happened in China; or fooling our merchants with the temporary lifting of tariffs causing our economy to rely on theirs, and then bringing back the tariffs so as to force a recession upon a weak, recently globalized economy such as also, accidentally occurred with the former the advancement of education instead of the frequent coups d’etat in our governments, or the move towards self-reliance and the rehabilitation of our economy from the addiction to foreign organizations’ commercial actions; or ending the habit to quickly ask any superpower to occupy our lands when any skirmish spurs up between chiefdoms and ethnic groups, or the idea that we are somehow able, simply not accustomed to grow our own crops and mine our own ores, feed our own poor, or purify our own waters, or ourselves educating the future generations; are completely out of the bounds of Kingdom of Hawaii.
I trust that when the time comes for the arrangement to move towards our independence; they will not go back on their word, bringing about false accusations such as mere conspiracy theorists believe was the case in the President of Panama’s refusal to renew the territorial agreement with the good and great Yankee imperialists, and his coincidental imprisonment; or the well-reasoned and not out-of-the-blue American claims to all territory above the Rio Grande and its subsequent invasion of Mexico.
All comments declaring the supposed “obvious” solutions of increasing tariffs towards foreigners are not credible. All statements stating logic
are true, and all those opposing my theses are out of line and should be stripped from their right of action, such as the anti-democratic President Jacobo Arbenz of Guatemala.
This is indeed a sensible proposal to solve our cultural inferiority!