As the seconds pass me by

As the seconds pass me by I wonder what you're doing, I wonder who you're with.

 

As the seconds pass me by I wonder how many pretty females you smile at on the bus.  

 

I wonder how many smile back... 

 

As the seconds pass me by, I can't help but replay the worst possible scenarios over and over and over and over in my head as if to prepare myself for the worst so if one day it does happen, at least I can look myself in the mirror and say “I told you so” instead of hearing it from my friends.  

 

As the seconds pass me by I stare at my phone waiting, hoping, praying for a message from you to brighten my otherwise dull day. Every vibration I feel, I get excited to see if it's you.

 

But...

 

As the seconds pass me by,

 

I realize how much deeper in love I fall with you and how crazy I am about you. How it makes my skin crawl to not be in your arms. How it makes the weight of my own body feel ten tons heavier to be without you.

 

I picture the way your mouth curves at the corners when you smile or how your lips pucker when you say certain words, even how your big brown eyes seem to search the sky when you can't find the right word to say. 

 

As the seconds pass me by I can't help but think about you every single fragment of the day.  

Are you happy?  

Are you okay?  

Are you thinking of me as much as I am of you?

I wouldn't call it obsession. 

Just care, caring isn't bad, caring is love?

Right? 

Caring is what causes my breath to speed up, my body to tremble and my thoughts to run rampant when i'm not with you. When i lack your security.  

 

Then I realize that when i'm with you, the seconds that pass me by seem to be much longer. 

 

The way your voice fulfills a trance of hypnosis on my soul is absolutely unbelievable. Time is no longer a variable when we are together because now I have you and all of my questions get answered. 

 

I know that you're happy.

 

I know that you're okay.

 

I know that you're thinking of me just as much as I'm thinking of you.

 

As the seconds pass me by,  you reassure me of your love and dismember the foolish fears I had and remind me that we're in this until I learn to love you in every language on the planet, until I count every grain of sand on the ocean floor one thousand times over, until dinosaurs roam the earth once again, until the stars collide, until global warming is recognized as a pertinent issue in society, until the absolute end of time. 

 

 

As the seconds pass me by your heartbeat syncs with mine, 

Mine with yours. 

Ours together. 

Until i can place my ear against your chest and hear the melodious beat of your pulsating heart almost whisper back to me "I...love...you..." 

Until we become one.

This is why,  

when you aren't around,

The seconds that pass me by seem to take hours.

 

I often feel as though I'm suffocating even though there is oxygen surrounding me.

I feel like I'm trapped on a never ending nauseating roller coaster with nothing left in my stomach to get rid of.

I feel like you're my peace, sanity and serenity in this cold world and without you, 

 

I.

 

Am. 

 

Alone. 

 

But as the seconds pass me by,  

I realize that along with my serenity up close, 

You also appease my soul from afar.  

 

 

For this,  

 

I love you.  

 

This,  along with many of your other beautiful, heaven sent qualities is why I adore you. You replace my irrational fear, worry, stress, anxiety, and disappointment for pure, unexplainable, bliss. You effortlessly take it all off of me, the ten tons I carry when i'm not with you and put it somewhere even I can't find it.  

 

You taught me how to love. 

Taught me that love isn't cling or control. 

Taught me that love isn't manipulation.

Taught me that love is space and personal time. 

And for this I am eternally grateful.  

 

Love is patient, 

Love is kind. 

Love is peace, 

Love is trust. 

Love is growth between two souls.  

 

As the seconds pass me by I now care not about who smiles at you and who you smile back at. I care not about who compliments you as you walk down the street  because I know, That is not important.

 

A smile, 

A wave, 

A glance, 

Kind words from a passing soul, Will not change your love for me.  

 

As the seconds pass me by

I feel our hearts beat in perfect harmony. 

I feel 

Weightless. 

I feel 

Like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
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