To him:

 

I dreamt of him

Again

Of his dark caramel skin

On my porcelain white

His soft hands combing

Through my thick hair

His full lips

Pressed against mine

 

I want him innocently

Arms around me

Entwined fingers

Jacket around my shoulders

And I want him rough

Callouses around my throat

Bruised knuckles

Broken mirrors

 

I go through these days

Pretending I could care less about him

But I want to be sure

I’ll remember it all

The pain

The pleasure

I’ll remember all of it

I wish he would too

 

I still cherish

The day we froze on the swing sets

The day we walked 10 miles to nowhere

The day we stole utensils from a kmart

The day we watched the world from a billboard

The day he told me he loved me

The day he kissed me

The days we were aware

 

I want all of it

The happiness

The hurt

But it seems

He doesn’t want this

He doesn’t want me

And it makes me question

 

Do I want me?