i keep wanting everything to be alright

but i know that happiness is a fallacy

when my constant state of being is akin

to drifting around in a fog

and these startling moments of clarity

when tears shed unabashed down

cheeks that have been stretched painfully

into smiles 

that apologize for lying every time they round

puff up

swell with laughter

that i am slowly withering away

whittling away

the part of me that wants to be free

finds release in bubbled skin and

dry eyes

empty stares and

nights spent alone counting the number of seconds

i can hold my breath before my body begins rebelling

my mind at mutiny with the pain my heart can no longer 

bare

and the paths cut down my face from these salty tears

are the truest form 

the most honest form 

of self expression i will ever write.