Reflecting over my life for tomorrow is the day I turn 21
06/26/19
I want what I don't have and take what I can't
at 4 it was a boy and I could not
but the rebel in me took and tasted the guilty cost
of holding his hand at a school field trip
oh how it thrilled me
oh how it filled me
and so went on
at 5 it was a cute outfit
a bit provocative I might say
still the other girls thought me deranged
close relative who took us away in a dark room
I have not much to say except I forgive you
at 6 it was strength how I longed for power
the boys to take me seriously
the girls to have a better reason to stay away
at 7 the teacher would have a hard time loving me
maybe my cute face was enough to drive her insane
oh how I have much to blame
the other kids
the pains
at 8 it looked better
my friendships were retained
no conflict no pain
we went to Disneyland everyday
at 9 the teacher gave me some pride
I learned that the earth was a magnet
my brain definitely got refined
at 10 my sports teams were my time
I skipped basketball
and managed to play them all
at 11 I played the same game
I like the coach’s son
But what Coach did to me was not in the play
at 12 was middle school the pinnacle of ridicule
how it drove me insane how much I wanted to change
in church it was the same
what my coach did to me sadly replayed
at 13 was the last year in this place
I had a great time with friends that stayed the same
we split up went out different ways
I went to a regular high school
did not take part in that college preparatory trace
at 14 what a wonderful place
new people
new status
what a mysterious parade
my friends were as tight as history can say
we’ve insisted on staying together that way
at 15 one moved away
but that was okay because my whole friend group had changed
we twinned and matched and lived and laughed
and worked hard until it all ended in waste
at 16 classes were harder my life was a trader
my grandma fell to the ground and went farther
but she was no martyr
I went to the church were we sang cried and pray
oh did I pray
oh did I pray
at 17 M came
he became mine for a many of days
a 2 year investment wasted away
for that long he was my main frame
at 18 so broken and contained
I wrestled my way into fame
I broke two ankles and endured some shame
at 19 in college what could I say
I traveled the world before that day when I walked in that dorm
ready as clay being molded
as destiny creates
at 20 invested in a whole new display
of Jesus my Savior claimed me that day
April 6th two-O nineteen
I’m still in this place
I got baptized and much is the same
except my refuge is no longer video craze
in every step of the way
today being the last of my 20th day
I could proudly come say that it was a beautiful race
now I want what I don’t have and take what I can’t
is not the trait I’d use to describe my fate
at 21 I hope to maintain the beauty of this amazing grace
poured out for me from the grotesque manger-made
in wood display the cross
the tomb laid
the Son of Man and history changed
all ugliness and brutality washed away
in love
as the Father came down for us
in a place so unsustained
to make a way for us to be with him
in a house with many rooms